After my third C-section, I decided on getting a tubal ligation. Let’s be honest—I’m no spring chicken, and after three successful pregnancies that blessed me with three healthy kids, the idea of adding another to our crew was enough to send me into a panic. Three was just right—lucky number three, indeed.
You’d think that after making the choice for elective sterilization, my life would turn into a seamless dream of spontaneous romance with my husband. But alas, reality had other plans: a) We now had three energetic children, and b) my periods decided to turn into a month-long marathon. After six months of feeling like I was hemorrhaging, I finally snagged an appointment with my oh-so-busy gynecologist. I arranged for a sitter, stocked up on double maxi pads, super plus tampons, and iron supplements, and eagerly awaited my appointment day.
As the time approached, I stood by the door, glancing anxiously at my watch when the babysitter was late. I anxiously called her only to reach voicemail. No way could I miss this appointment! My undergarments were rapidly becoming relegated to the “period underwear” category. I was in dire straits.
In a moment of desperation, I made a regrettable decision. “Alright kids, get your shoes on. Mommy has to go to the doctor, and you’re coming with me.”
“Are you getting shots? I hate shots,” my eldest piped up as I buckled him into his car seat.
“No shots, I promise,” I replied, mentally picturing the awkwardness of being examined with my boys in the room.
Upon checking in, the other patients shot me looks that screamed, “What on Earth is this woman thinking?” I contemplated making a sarcastic remark like, “We homeschool; it’s biology class,” but decided against it. They were right; this was utterly ridiculous.
Once in the examination room, panic set in. What was I thinking? I could endure a little blood for another month. I really should leave.
Holding the paper gown in one hand and my purse in the other, I glanced at my kids. The baby was sleeping, and my older two were engrossed in their tablets. “Wow,” I thought, “They don’t even seem to mind this chaos.”
I quickly changed and climbed onto the examination table, thanking the stars for technology and its distractions. As the exam proceeded, I almost forgot my kids were there—until I heard the distinct sound of my phone camera clicking away.
“What in the world?” I thought, opening my eyes to see my four-year-old standing behind the doctor, snapping pictures of me in a most vulnerable position.
“Honey, what are you doing?” I asked, trying to keep my cool.
“I’m taking pictures for Daddy!” he said innocently, absorbed in his task.
“Can I have my phone back, please?” I asked, hoping to keep this from escalating.
“Okay, I’m done,” he chirped.
“Done?” My heart raced. What did that even mean? My mind raced with dreadful possibilities—images of my exposed self on social media. Oh no, this would be the death of me.
Finally, he handed the phone over, revealing 43 adorable selfies taken from a toddler’s perspective—thankfully, none of the compromising kind!
The takeaway? If you find yourself in the last place on Earth you want your kids to be, it might just turn out okay—especially if you have an iPhone set to airplane mode. For more insights on navigating parenthood, check out this great resource on pregnancy and the home insemination journey. You can also learn more about the process with a home insemination kit. And for those interested in more detailed terms, you can find them here.
Summary
Navigating a gynecologist appointment with three kids in tow can be chaotic, but sometimes it leads to unexpected humor and memories. Embracing the craziness can turn a stressful situation into a lighthearted moment, especially when technology is on your side.