Recently, I experienced “the look” once again. It sent a shiver down my spine, taking me back to a time when our children were young and those looks came frequently. If you’re a parent, you know exactly what I mean. It’s that subtle sideways glance from your kids when they’re doing something they’re proud of. Those priceless moments when they peek back at you from wherever you’re sitting, ensuring you’re watching. This is the look that has led to countless soccer goals scored while the goalie was scanning the stands for her mommy or daddy. It’s also the look that gets little leaguers caught “doubled off” because they drift away from the base, too busy checking if their parents noticed them reach it in the first place. The look you see while they take a bow after their school play, piano recital, or a perfect spin on stage. When they give you that look, it’s vital to reciprocate, or else you risk missing the moment entirely, leading to a mini panic that you overlooked the very reason they were looking.
This past spring, we attended a kindergarten “graduation” for a dear friend’s grandson, and those looks were everywhere. Like every other adorable mini-graduate, he shot a glance to his parents while waiting for his diploma, again when he received it from the teacher (who he forgot to shake hands with), and once more when he returned to his seat. We only knew this one graduate, yet as each classmate crossed the stage, we could easily identify their proud parents by the focused looks sent their way.
Our household was always sports-obsessed, and we anticipated many of those looks during games. We consistently sat in the same spot in the bleachers to help minimize distractions. As our kids grew older, they tried to disguise those looks, attempting to appear nonchalant about the family cheering section. But we still caught them sneaking glances, quick checks from the corners of their eyes while dribbling down the basketball court or striding across the tennis court after serving an ace. For certain moments, I developed a unique response: I would tap my fist over my heart a couple of times—perhaps a gesture of pride in their accomplishments or maybe a sign of gratitude for having such happy, healthy kids. It also served as a reminder that we could find a silver lining after a tough loss. Not every little achievement earned a heart tap, but game-winning shots and walk-off hits definitely did. Sometimes I’d add a flourish by pointing at my young star, as if to say, “This one’s for you.”
Now that our kids have grown and moved out, we seldom receive those looks anymore. A few years ago, as our daughter was heading off to graduate school, she turned back and waved before entering the security line, giving us that look. I felt emotional and tapped my chest. When our eldest son took the oath to become a member of the New York State Bar, he too gave us the look, prompting another heartfelt chest tap. At his wedding, he skipped the look, saving it for his new wife, which we forgave him for.
Earlier this summer, as our youngest son marched in with his classmates to receive his college diploma, he turned to us and gave us the look. This was a prolonged glance, a culmination of all the smaller achievements we had missed that led to this significant moment. Meeting our eyes, he raised his hands in triumph, mouthing “thank you.” I gently tapped my chest and pointed directly at him.
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In summary, those precious looks from our children are fleeting yet monumental. They represent a deep connection and a desire for recognition. As parents, it’s essential to cherish these moments, as they remind us of the joy and pride in our children’s achievements.