“Oh wow, you’re expecting?!” Here we go again, I thought to myself. My plan for the evening was simple: escape the house, enjoy a meal that I didn’t have to prepare, and let my energetic toddler bounce around in a bouncy house until he collapsed from exhaustion on the way home. With my husband deployed just two weeks prior, I had decided to attend the Deployed Spouses Dinner for a little respite. Balancing a full-time job and the daily commute to pick up my lively two-year-old from daycare was wearing me down. My dinners had become a rotation of frozen or pre-packaged meals. Can’t a girl just savor a warm meal in peace?
“Yes, I’m pregnant—16 weeks along, to be exact,” I replied to the friend of a friend who had just asked.
“Really? I’m 20 weeks along! Do you know the baby’s gender?”
“I found out last Saturday that I’m having a boy.”
She quickly learned that our husbands had both deployed on the same day, so he obviously wasn’t there for the gender reveal.
“Oh no, your husband missed the gender scan?”
“It’s okay,” I reassured her. “He Skyped in for part of the appointment, so he was able to share in the excitement.”
“What’s your due date?” she continued, clearly invested.
“It’s April 6, which is also my birthday! Maybe we’ll share the day.”
“Oh no, your husband will miss the birth!”
“Well, it’s not his baby, so that’s alright…”
I could see the shock wash over her face. Her expression shifted from surprise to a flustered attempt to find the right words. “But it’s okay; he knows it’s not his child!” I added, trying to ease the tension.
Her face twisted with discomfort, but I pressed on to clarify. “Actually, I’m a surrogate. My cousin lost her ability to carry a child after a traumatic experience during her first pregnancy. Tragically, she lost both her baby and her uterus. The only way for her and her husband to have biological children was through surrogacy—enter me.”
My husband was completely on board with my pregnancy, even if it meant I was technically carrying another man’s child. He was even present during the procedure! He understood from the start that he would miss the birth, but that didn’t change anything—just another entertaining way to meet new people, I suppose.
When pregnant, everyone wants to know the due date, the gender, and all sorts of personal details. When they hear your husband is deployed, they often express sympathy for your solo journey. But what they’re not prepared for is the phrase: “The baby isn’t his… and that’s perfectly fine.”
But that’s not entirely true. Being a surrogate has been an incredible experience for me—life-changing, even.
If you’re curious about home insemination, be sure to check out this informative post as well as this excellent resource for pregnancy and home insemination. And for a comprehensive selection of options, visit Make a Mom.
In summary, my experience as a surrogate has opened my eyes to the joy of helping others build their families, all while navigating the complexities of being pregnant with a child not biologically mine.