“She cried when they celebrated the arrival of daughters, understanding that being born a female meant a life filled with quiet struggles.” – Inspired by Betty Smith, A Tree Grows in Brooklyn
That’s nonsense, I tell myself each time I read this. There’s nothing meek about being a woman. Women are fierce, resilient, and capable of achieving anything that men can. My parents instilled this belief in my sister and me, and we chose partners who share this conviction. In today’s world, there’s no greater challenge in being a woman than in being a man. Perhaps in the past; perhaps in early 20th-century Brooklyn, but not in my experience. There’s nothing to dread about having daughters today.
And yet.
When the ultrasound technician announced, “It’s a girl,” and I exclaimed, “I knew it!” while exchanging joyful glances with my husband, a soft voice in the back of my mind whispered an “oh.” This simple “oh” carried the weight of the universe, a reminder that I was bringing another girl into a world where, despite our advances in equality and feminism, she would still face the realities of being female. The thought of raising not just one but two daughters filled my heart with a heavy burden.
The painful truth is, we exist in a society where many men harbor disdain for women; where some believe they can possess and control them. Sadly, this is true even in America. My daughters will encounter a barrage of societal messages regarding their appearance, bodies, and weight, which can lead even the most self-assured girls down paths of self-doubt, or worse. We live in a city that is better than many in terms of equality, yet blatant sexism still permeates our environment.
A dear friend once shared a poignant quote: “From the moment your child is born, a piece of your heart lives outside your body forever.” Now, with another daughter on the way, I find myself hoping that if my husband and I do our job well, our girls will band together, forming a protective barrier against the negative messages surrounding them. Perhaps they will grow into adults unscathed, find loving partners, and if they have daughters of their own, they might carry a little less worry than I do.
And yet.
As I stroll through the toy aisles at Target, I am baffled by the segregation of toys: pink for girls, blue for boys. I hesitated to reveal our first child’s gender out of concern for the avalanche of pink clothing, “Daddy’s Little Princess” shirts, and an overwhelming number of dolls. When a stranger compliments my daughter’s beauty, I instinctively add, “and smart and strong.” She is undeniably beautiful, sometimes breathtakingly so. I want her to understand her beauty but also to foster a belief that it’s not her sole value. I fear she might grow up thinking that her worth is defined by her looks.
So, here we are with two daughters. My husband, our friends, and family will do our utmost to create nurturing environments for them, instilling the belief that they can achieve anything if they work hard enough. We will share stories of remarkable women and strong girls, encourage interests in science and math, and allow them to enjoy a variety of activities—from playing with dolls to climbing trees. We’ll teach them that they can love whomever they choose, as long as those partners treat them with respect. The only kind of princesses we envision for them are warrior princesses. We will remind them daily that they are beautiful, smart, and strong. We will strive to lift them up during their falls, casting aside the shadows of insecurity and self-doubt. If we try hard enough, perhaps they’ll grow to believe in themselves and recognize their equality. Maybe they’ll challenge the media, reject misogyny, and call out the negativity that surrounds them.
And yet.
A piece of my heart now resides outside of me, and in five months, another part will follow. I worry for my girls; I worry for the women they will become. My heart aches as I carry this weight—the challenging yet empowering journey of womanhood.
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Summary:
This article reflects the complex emotions surrounding womanhood, particularly the challenges faced by mothers of daughters. While celebrating the strength and resilience of women today, it acknowledges the societal pressures and dangers that still exist. The author expresses a desire to empower her daughters to be confident and strong, while also grappling with the worries that come with raising girls in a world that can be harsh.