I understand that you may perceive me as a parent who allows my child to get away with everything. I’ve noticed your sideways glances, and I can imagine that in your mind, a stern reprimand is all my child needs. If I were in your position, I might think the same thing. However, I’m navigating my own reality, and there are aspects of my situation you may not be aware of.
My child struggles with a mood disorder, and it requires a significant amount of medication just for him to manage his day-to-day life. For the first decade of his existence, he was consumed with proving that he wouldn’t be controlled. I tried to enforce the idea that I was in charge, believing that was the essence of parenting. But as I continue to learn about raising a child with a mood disorder, I’ve realized that control is sometimes an illusion.
The Limits of Control
There are elements beyond my control. I can’t dictate how my child’s mind processes information or demand that it stop distorting reality. Just as one can’t expect a child in a wheelchair to suddenly walk, I can’t force my child’s brain to function as we might hope. My focus must be on managing what I can, even if my methods differ from the norms you may expect.
Redefining Discipline
Discipline, at its core, should be about teaching. It’s not simply about “teaching a lesson,” but about imparting knowledge that prepares our children for the world ahead. The Latin root of the word “discipline” is disciplina, which translates to instruction or learning. This understanding leads me to question: If there’s no genuine learning occurring, am I really disciplining, or just asserting my will over a child who faces challenges?
I do strive to teach my child about critical thinking and the consequences of his actions. Yet, there are moments when he becomes so overwhelmed that rational thought escapes him. In those instances, how can any meaningful learning happen?
A Real-Life Example
Take yesterday, for example. He had ordered a new Nerf gun, and upon returning from school, he found out the shipment was delayed. For many kids, this wouldn’t be a big deal, but for him, it felt like the last straw. He broke down and insisted we order another one. I attempted to reason with him, explaining that ordering from the same vendor wouldn’t solve anything, but he was too far gone in his emotional state to grasp this logic. So, I chose to order another one. The first arrived yesterday, and I’ll send the duplicate back once it arrives. Was it a silly decision? Perhaps. But denying his request wouldn’t have taught him anything—only made the day more miserable for him and his siblings.
Finding Balance
My first instinct is always to help my son learn how to navigate life. However, when I see that he’s crossed the threshold into emotional chaos, I prioritize peace. So, if you ever find yourself judging my parenting style as lazy, I get it—but you’re mistaken. I’m playing by a different set of rules and doing my best with the challenges I face.
Additional Resources
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Conclusion
In summary, parenting is a unique journey filled with challenges that require understanding and patience. Each child is different, and what works for one may not work for another. It’s about finding the right balance and knowing when to guide and when to give in.