I’m fortunate to have three college friends who all live nearby, and we each welcomed little ones around the same time. It’s almost uncanny: three of us gave birth in the same week (one even checked out of the hospital just two rooms away from where I was admitted), while the fourth joined us a few weeks later. We ended up with two girls and two boys, each unique in their own delightful ways.
Our babies arrived in different sizes and styles, with their own sets of skills, interests, and timelines. What works for one baby rarely translates to the others. Our lifestyles vary too; some of us work full-time, others are stay-at-home moms, and a few juggle part-time gigs. Regardless, we all embrace our roles as full-time mothers.
Some of us dream of breastfeeding forever, while others are completely over it. We have those who can pump enough milk to feed a small village, those who hate pumping, and some who have never used formula at all. Our little ones have varied routines: some stay home, others attend daycare, some sleep through the night, while others wake up every few hours. Their eating habits range from puréed food to whole veggies, and they all have different ways of moving—crawling, scooting, or even waddling like tiny walruses.
They communicate in many ways: some articulate real words, while others babble, scream, giggle, or snort. Our approaches to bedtime also differ; some of us rock our babies to sleep, while others let them cry it out or rush in at the first whimper. They come in all shapes—short, long, lean, chubby—with adorable features like thunder thighs, chicken legs, and baby chub. They are all perfect in their own way.
After nine months of motherhood, one crucial lesson has emerged: your baby is not like my baby. What works for your little one may not work for mine. That said, I cherish hearing about your experiences, whether you need support during a tough moment or want to share a proud milestone. Yet, comparing babies is both futile and, honestly, a bit irritating. These three incredible women have been my backbone through this journey as we navigated our new lives together.
Despite not having seen each other since college, our bond proved essential. We chat daily, whether it’s to seek advice during a 4 AM feeding or to celebrate our babies’ milestones. We share everything—our challenges, our bodies, our sanity (or lack thereof), and all the messy details in between. The most important lesson from these friendships is that every mom’s journey is unique, just as every baby is different. There are common threads, and sometimes one mom’s advice is a lifesaver (or at least a sanity saver). Other times, it’s just comforting to know I’m not alone in feeling lost and uncertain.
Let’s face it, that judgmental mom down the block who offers unsolicited “advice” when you’re just trying to catch some sleep or clean up baby poop that somehow ended up on the wall? Not helpful.
So instead of sharing a long list of universal parenting tips I’ve gathered over the last nine months, I’ll give you one simple piece of advice: Find your tribe. Seek out friends who understand when to offer guidance and when to lend an ear. Surround yourself with people who know exactly what you’re going through and who need you just as much. There shouldn’t be any judgment, competition, or jealousy about whose baby is cuter or smarter—because let’s be real, every mom believes her baby is the cutest and smartest, and no one can change that.
I’m grateful to my three wonderful friends (you know who you are) and to all of my other supportive family and friends. They embody everything that makes motherhood worthwhile.
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Summary
Finding a community of supportive friends is the best advice for new moms. Each baby’s journey is unique, and sharing experiences with others can provide comfort and understanding. Forming bonds with those who know the challenges of motherhood can alleviate the stress and loneliness that often accompany parenting. It’s essential to focus on building these connections rather than comparing your experiences to others.