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The ‘Before Kids’ Era
By: Emily Carter
Updated: Feb. 7, 2016
Originally Published: Jan. 8, 2011
Scene: Our Dining Table
Daughter: “How do you KNOW when you should marry someone?”
Son: “When you meet the right person, a spark happens. Then you have to nurture that spark until it becomes a flame and eventually a bonfire in your marriage. And wick size is crucial, too; a small wick means the spark can fizzle out. Daddy’s wick is huge, which keeps Mommy happy.”
Wait, he’s only 10, right?
Setting aside the obvious jokes about wicks (and trust me, there are plenty), this conversation unfolded after we shared stories with the kids about how we got engaged. They were captivated by the details surrounding how Tom chose my ring, planned the proposal, and how I said yes.
It struck me that our children perceive “us” so differently than I do. Their understanding of us is limited to the present moment: the mom they see mostly from behind as she drives them everywhere and the dad who funds those adventures. They have no idea about our life “B.K.”: Before Kids. My son even asked me if I listened to a specific Beach Boys song back in college, which made it painfully clear that they don’t know me that well at all (no offense to my Beach Boys fans).
There’s a lot they’re unaware of regarding our B.K. life.
They don’t know that on our first date in 1995, I stood by the ocean, gazing into my blind date’s striking blue eyes, and felt an immediate spark. In that moment, I knew that my journey through relationships had led me to the man I’d spend my life with.
They don’t realize that Tom took me out to celebrate my 21st birthday, since my friends couldn’t make it (let’s be honest, they were there, just not, um, legally). The idea that their dad would sweetly coax me off the bar so we could head home would probably leave them stunned. (Let’s keep that between us, okay?). And let’s not even mention the housewarming party I hosted in our first apartment.
They weren’t there to witness the tears of joy streaming down Tom’s face as I walked down the aisle, or how he could only manage to whisper, “You’re beautiful.” They would definitely find it entertaining that we giggled uncontrollably during the “for richer or poorer” part of our vows, given that we had a grand total of $23 in savings on our wedding day (true story; our wedding gifts were a lifesaver).
It’s hard for them to fathom the hours we spent sanding, painting, and hammering together to make our first home, purchased with every penny we’d saved. My kids don’t know that I can handle a pneumatic nail gun and that my spackling skills are quite impressive.
They also missed the sheer excitement and disbelief on our faces the moment we saw two pink lines on that little stick, marking the end of just “us” and the beginning of a bustling, chaotic “we.”
Yes, there’s so much they don’t know about our life B.K. Three trips to Disney World before kids, two-door cars without a single French fry in sight, and our names used by friends we met every Friday night without fail. Countless details about who we once were versus who we are now.
In today’s parenting world, our kids often shape our identities. We are defined by their activities, their milestones, and their lives. It’s easy to forget who we were B.K. It’s easy to overlook the wild nights dancing on bars or spontaneous road trips taken with friends. We were here first!
While I don’t need my children to hear every single story from my B.K. life (thank goodness, because they CAN’T know everything), I do share some tales to help them understand who their mom is and how I became the domestic diva I am today.
In those hectic days of parenting, when it feels like yesterday mirrors today and tomorrow will be more of the same, looking into those familiar blue eyes across the table reminds me of the person I was and still am deep down.
For more insights on pregnancy and home insemination, check out this excellent resource: Women’s Health – Infertility. And if you’re exploring the journey of becoming a parent, consider visiting Make a Mom for a fertility boost or our detailed post here.
Summary:
This piece reflects on the differences between life before children and the present, emphasizing how our identities evolve as parents. It highlights the missed adventures and experiences that children may not know about their parents’ lives before they became caregivers. The author shares anecdotes of love, laughter, and the transformation into parenthood while reminding us that the essence of who we are remains unchanged.