As I overhear my son Liam tell his father, “Maybe we should give Ethan some space for now. He’s really upset. I teased him a little, and he actually picked me up and tossed me.” While such displays of strength are not encouraged, they are not entirely unusual in our household. Generally, the boys get along well, but we often talk about the importance of controlling their impulses, especially during moments of anger or frustration.
Having grown up surrounded by girls—my sister, numerous cousins, and a close-knit group of girlfriends—I don’t recall anyone ever resorting to physical displays of aggression. Girls tend to express their feelings differently, often wielding words that, while crafted to sound gentle, can still inflict deep emotional wounds. The damage may not be visible, but it can be significant.
I was particularly sensitive to certain topics as a child. Weight and body image were often weapons in girl dynamics, and I had friends who were adept at launching verbal attacks. My best friend in eighth grade and I frequently discussed our dieting strategies, comparing notes and weighing ourselves at each other’s homes. One afternoon, I stepped on the scale, and she raised an eyebrow, commenting, “I thought the number would be a bit higher for someone your height.” In that moment, the impact hit me like a ton of bricks.
We never talked about fitness or nutrition; our conversations revolved around how many meals we could skip and strategies for warding off hunger. In my household today, we don’t engage in discussions about body weight or self-image with the boys. From what I can tell, neither of them seems particularly preoccupied with those topics, and they shouldn’t be.
Instead, we focus on food and nutrition, especially since we navigate various allergies while trying to cater to everyone’s preferences without turning into short-order cooks. The topic of dinner often comes up, alongside discussions about exercise. My partner and I run regularly, and the boys switch between swimming, skiing, and playing soccer. We discuss foods that fuel their activities and those that might cause fatigue or allergy flare-ups.
We encourage them to explore new foods as their tastes evolve, and we address their pickiness, which can sometimes drive me crazy. We discuss the ingredients in chicken nuggets and how a diet consisting solely of starchy foods can lead to health issues. However, we never mention weight with the boys—not ever.
Recently, during a heated argument, I held back initially, wanting to let them sort it out unless it escalated into something serious. But when one of them called the other “fatty,” it ignited my inner Hulk. In an instant, I transformed from a calm mom to a furious, protective figure. “You do not call your brother FAT! You don’t call ANYONE FAT. Do you understand?” (This may not be word-for-word, but let’s just say some strong language slipped out.)
“Uh, okay, Mom,” they replied, clearly taken aback by my reaction. Later, while we were driving, I seized the opportunity to talk about body image and share why I reacted so strongly. I opened up about my own struggles during their age and how those experiences affected my self-perception for years.
After a brief silence, Colin chimed in from the backseat, “We don’t really think we’re fat, Mom. That’s just something we say.” It dawned on me that I might have overanalyzed the situation.
“I’m still gonna call you a goober, Liam,” Ethan joked. “Because you can be one sometimes.”
“Go ahead,” Liam replied. “I’ll just punch you right in the face.”
And just like that, the tension lifted.
In a world where parenting often feels like a balancing act, it’s crucial to prioritize healthy discussions about food and physical activity without fixating on weight or appearance. For those navigating similar journeys, resources like this informative article can offer valuable insights on pregnancy and home insemination. Additionally, for couples embarking on their fertility journey, Make a Mom provides authoritative guidance, while this post outlines important considerations for home insemination.
Summary
This article explores the dynamics of parenting boys and the challenges of addressing body image without focusing on weight. The author reflects on her own experiences growing up with girls and shares the importance of fostering healthy conversations about food, exercise, and self-image in her household.