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30 Simple Steps for Taking Your Kids to a Public Restroom
We’ve all faced the challenge of managing kids in public restrooms, and it’s no easy feat—especially with multiple children. The experience can feel more like a survival mission than a simple bathroom break. It’s amusing how, regardless of whether we just visited the bathroom before leaving home, the moment we step into a new environment, one child declares, “I need to go potty!” followed swiftly by their sibling echoing, “Me too!”
Thus begins the quest for the nearest restroom, filled with questions like: What kind of soap will they have? Will there be hand dryers or paper towels? Are the toilets automatic, or will they get to push the button? Public bathrooms seem to capture their imagination, while parents often groan at the thought of it. I’m convinced that men’s restrooms are so dreadful that it’s almost always left to mothers to tackle this task (or maybe my partner just has me convinced he’s off the hook).
Having navigated this arena countless times, here are 30 quick and easy steps for taking your kids to a public bathroom:
- Slow your kids down before they sprint off to the restroom. “No running, it’s not a race!”
- Arrive only to discover all the stalls are occupied.
- Wait impatiently for the ‘big’ stall, typically occupied by someone taking their sweet time.
- Calm the whining with, “I know, it’s just a few more minutes. They must be hurrying!” (fingers crossed they can hear you).
- Finally, get into the stall and mediate who goes first.
- Start putting on the seat cover and urgently remind them, “Don’t touch anything!”
- Attempt to get the seat cover on while lifting your child onto the potty as it falls in.
- Resort to toilet paper instead and finally lift child number one onto the seat.
- Yell at the other one, “Get your hands out of there!” What’s the fascination with the disposal bin?
- Assist with wiping or hand over toilet paper to number one.
- Stop number two from unraveling all the toilet paper.
- Get child number one dressed and repeat step six.
- Lift child number two onto the potty.
- Try not to lose it when she insists, “No pee pees! I’ll try later.”
- Grit your teeth and remind child number one to lock the door and not open it again.
- Gently encourage child number two to try again.
- Watch as she genuinely attempts to go, complete with grunts, but with no results.
- Get child number two dressed.
- While you’re here, why not take a moment for yourself?
- Yell at child number one for opening the door while you’re trying to go.
- Get dressed and usher the kids to wash their hands—unless you’re in a bathroom with a sink inside.
- Lift them to reach the soap since they can’t quite manage it yet.
- Wash their hands and direct them toward the paper towels or dryer.
- Clean up the soap puddles that are now on the floor.
- Tidy up the paper towels scattered everywhere.
- Watch in amazement as they put their faces up to the dryer for their “crazy hair.”
- Pick up the toilet paper that’s been unraveled for no reason.
- Use a paper towel to open the door, relishing the moment of germ-free hands.
- Start walking back to your original destination, only to hear child number two whine, “I have to go pee pee—for real this time….pweeease!”
- Turn around and prepare to start all over again.
These are the realities that no parenting guide ever prepares you for, and they can turn potty breaks into one of the most frustrating aspects of motherhood—especially with newly potty-trained toddlers. While I treasure those early years, some days I dream of the moment we can say goodbye to car seats and they can handle their own bathroom business!
For more insights and tips around parenting, check out our resource on home insemination, an essential read if you’re considering expanding your family.
In summary, navigating public restrooms with kids is a comical yet challenging experience that most parents can relate to. With a bit of patience and humor, you can tackle these tricky situations and perhaps even find joy in the chaos.