Last week, while selecting a ceiling fan for the nursery I’m preparing, I encountered an interesting moment. The salesman, Jake, confidently assured me that the fan would arrive in time, despite my lack of a baby bump. I smiled, leaving him to believe I was seven months along, while I actually have just two months until my baby arrives through a gestational surrogate.
This journey has spanned four years, filled with emotional challenges and financial hurdles. As I prepare for our child’s arrival, I remain cautiously optimistic, unsure of saying “it worked” until I hold my baby in my arms. My discomfort with seeing other women post ultrasound photos on social media stems from my unique situation—I’m not experiencing the physical aspects of pregnancy, which makes me feel a bit disconnected.
Our story began with a high-risk pregnancy specialist who, after reviewing my complex medical history, bluntly informed me that carrying a child wasn’t safe for me. He then posed the question: “Is there anyone who could be your surrogate?” Until that moment, the idea had never crossed my mind. I understood IVF was my only avenue to motherhood, but I hadn’t considered not being the one to carry my child.
Over the years, we saved diligently and secured a loan, underwent two rounds of IVF to freeze embryos, and two fresh IVF cycles after finding our surrogate. We explored numerous options for surrogacy, including international routes in places like India and Ukraine, until a friend connected me with a nurse in Oregon willing to help. This incredible woman had experienced smooth pregnancies herself and was eager to assist someone else.
After a year and a half of searching, our surrogate became pregnant with our child, despite two earlier transfer attempts that didn’t succeed. But as they say, “third time’s the charm.”
While it’s been amusing to see how people perceive my situation, it can also feel isolating. I often make eye contact with other expectant mothers at stores, longing for a sense of shared experience, even though they cannot see my invisible journey. For instance, when we recently visited a pediatrician, she mistakenly approached the visibly pregnant woman next to me, causing a brief moment of discomfort before we explained.
Attending a baby care class was another revealing experience. Surrounded by expectant mothers, I found camaraderie with one other woman who was also not visibly pregnant, and it turned out she was on a similar path with her surrogate.
Ultimately, I find gratitude in my unique experience. Many women endure far more challenging journeys—multiple IVF cycles, miscarriages, and difficult pregnancies. Recognizing that my path is a miracle helps me appreciate it more deeply. I am eagerly anticipating the moment I can finally hold my baby and feel that bond.
Update: Our daughter was born three weeks ago, and I can genuinely say I feel that connection now. I’m a mother, navigating the joys and challenges that come with it—endless feedings, sleepless nights, and the constant worry of keeping her safe and happy. I’m now sharing my story with other women facing fertility struggles, hoping to offer them hope. After holding my breath for four long years, I can finally exhale and embrace my new post-baby body!
For more insights on fertility treatments, check out this excellent resource on IVF or learn about helpful supplements like the Fertility Booster for Men.
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Summary
This narrative highlights the emotional and logistical challenges of pursuing motherhood through surrogacy, reflecting on moments of connection and isolation. It emphasizes gratitude for the unique journey and the joy of finally embracing motherhood. The author shares resources for others on similar paths.