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What No One Ever Warned Us About Parenting a Teenager
Updated: Aug. 3, 2023
Originally Published: April 24, 2011
It feels surreal. One moment you’re cradling a tiny baby, and in the blink of an eye, he’s transformed into a sulky, moody teenager. How did that happen? I’m not that old, so how did he grow up so fast? And who gave him permission to bring all these teenage woes into my home?
My friends and I often reminisce about how no one really prepared us for the reality of raising teenagers. When our kids were babies, we had no idea we’d be echoing the same anxious phrases we do now. It’s astonishing that not a single person warned us!
As I rocked that sweet little bundle to sleep, I thought, “What a perfect little angel.” In those early days, my biggest worries were about feeding him and ensuring he was safe. Those concerns now seem so trivial compared to the challenges of adolescence. I often find myself longing for those simpler times when my fears were about diaper changes and sleepless nights.
Now, every morning during particularly challenging periods, my routine has devolved to a quiet plea as I enter his room: “Please let him be alive.” The labor and delivery nurses never mentioned the emotional rollercoaster that comes with a teenager—how the mother bears the weight of her child’s pain and adds her own worries and guilt on top of it.
The pediatrician’s pamphlet from the one-year check-up certainly didn’t prepare me for the day I’d find myself hoping my son doesn’t experiment with hard drugs. It’s a surreal experience to engage in serious discussions with him about what constitutes a “hard drug.” At times, it feels like a bizarre sitcom episode from the ’80s where I’ll wake up and laugh at the absurdity of it all. But instead, I find solace in the fact that these conversations are echoing in homes everywhere.
A friend recently shared her concerns about her child’s behavior, jokingly labeling it as “serial killer behavior.” While it may have been an exaggeration, haven’t we all had that fleeting thought when faced with a teenager’s defiance? “Please don’t become a serial killer?” Or after a particularly heated argument, “I hope this kid doesn’t plot my demise.”
I can’t help but remember my own teenage years, where I expressed anger but never once considered doing harm to my parents. That memory gives me some comfort on long nights.
During those baby years, none of us realized we’d be grappling with thoughts like these. The bizarre things I now say to my child are just as peculiar as the fact that I now dye my eyebrows to hide the greys.
- “Please don’t harm yourself.”
- “Don’t become a serial killer.”
- “Steer clear of drugs, especially the ‘bad’ ones.”
- “Don’t get arrested; this kid struggles with a 20-minute Wi-Fi outage. Jail is not the right place for my baby.”
If someone had told us back then that parenting would feel like reliving our own tumultuous teenage years, I wonder if any of us would have chosen to become parents at all.
So, to my son, I say: Thank you for steering clear of cocaine.
For more insights on parenting and navigating these challenges, be sure to check out our other posts, like this one on home insemination.
Summary:
Navigating the tumultuous journey of raising a teenager can be overwhelming and filled with unexpected challenges. From the innocence of infancy to the complexities of adolescence, parents often find themselves grappling with fears and anxieties they never anticipated. Despite the humor and absurdity of these moments, the journey of parenting remains deeply rewarding.