In reality, the journey of life often begins with “happily ever after.” While some couples choose to marry, others may explore the path of parenthood. Every couple’s journey is unique and carries its own beauty. However, it’s important to recognize that not all relationships thrive in the same way. Some may grow together, while others may drift apart.
Though we can’t predict what life has in store, I’ve compiled four crucial questions that every couple should discuss before embarking on the adventure of raising a child together:
1. Can you embrace the messy side of life?
I’m serious. Believe it or not, I know couples who have been together for years (some with kids) who still avoid farting around each other. But here’s the truth: parenting can be downright messy! From the unexpected sounds and smells during pregnancy to the chaos of childbirth, and the delightful challenge of potty training, you’ll need to get comfortable with the less glamorous aspects of life. There will be moments where you have to retrieve a floating surprise from the bathtub, all while reminding yourself, “Not my hand!” The key is to find humor in these situations together. If you can laugh through the gross stuff, you’ll be well on your way to surviving the parenting journey.
2. How do you handle stressful situations together?
Traveling often brings out the best—and worst—in couples. It’s not just about the vacation itself; it’s the entire process of packing, navigating security, and making it to your gate on time. Do you find yourselves arguing over every little detail, or do you support each other during the chaos? If you struggle with planning a simple trip, you might face even greater challenges when sleep-deprivation and a crying baby enter the picture. If you’ve never flown together, consider testing your bond with a trip to IKEA on a busy Saturday. If you can handle that, you can handle anything!
3. Are you prepared for a shift in your intimate life?
While I’m not saying intimacy will disappear completely, it’s likely to take a back seat for a while. The transition to parenthood comes with many adjustments, from co-sleeping to recovery after childbirth. It can be tough to feel romantic when you can’t recall the last time you had a moment to yourself. That said, intimacy can be expressed in countless ways! Simple gestures like flirting or sharing a glass of wine while the other babysits can help maintain your connection. Just be honest about your desires and needs; navigating intimacy as parents takes understanding and patience.
4. Are you both willing to share the workload?
My friend Jake once had a conversation with a coworker who was about to become a dad:
Coworker: “Do you change diapers?”
Jake: “Of course.”
Coworker: “I won’t be changing any diapers; that’s gross.”
Jake: “If you want to stay married, you will change diapers.”
Collaboration is key in parenting! It’s essential to work together, whether that means alternating diaper duties or tackling household chores. Communication and a spirit of cooperation will go a long way. Approach parenting with love and a willingness to support one another, and remember: don’t keep score. Aim for fairness and understanding, even when disagreements arise. This is how you build a strong partnership.
If you find yourselves answering “YES” to these questions, congratulations! You’re ready to dive into the world of parenting. And even if you have some hesitations, go ahead and take the plunge—because let’s be honest, babies are irresistibly cute.
For more insights on this journey, check out our article on the terms and conditions of parenting. For those looking into at-home options, Make a Mom offers great resources. Additionally, the American Society for Reproductive Medicine provides excellent information on pregnancy and home insemination.
Summary:
Before deciding to start a family, couples should reflect on their comfort with each other in messy situations, their ability to handle stress together, their expectations regarding intimacy, and their willingness to share parenting responsibilities. These conversations can strengthen their partnership and help them prepare for the challenges of parenthood.