Becoming a parent in 2006 was nothing short of a miracle for me. I’ve had the joy of welcoming a daughter in 2008 and marrying a wonderful man who also has a daughter. Now, we’re excitedly expecting our first child together, with the due date just 78 days away. With every new addition to our family, our hearts have expanded immensely, but let me tell you — it hasn’t been without its complexities.
Parenting in today’s world is no small feat. We continuously navigate a maze of rules, expectations, and boundaries tailored to our unique families. An unspoken benchmark looms over us — a phantom finish line we feel compelled to cross every day, with an endless checklist to ensure we’ve met the “good parent” criteria.
But where does this pressure come from? I think it’s partly in our own heads, but we’re also bombarded by countless people eager to share their opinions, both solicited and unsolicited. There’s media influence too — and for the love of all that’s good, please don’t follow fitness gurus on social media during pregnancy! The questions can be overwhelming, making us second-guess everything we do.
- “You’re using cloth diapers, right?”
- “Making your own baby food is much healthier than store-bought options.”
- “Oh, I’m so relieved to hear you plan to exclusively breastfeed.”
- “You do know your child should only have a limited amount of screen time, right?”
- “You’re only taking that much maternity leave?”
- “You should consider going back to work after X weeks; studies suggest it’s better for the baby.”
And vaccinations — don’t get me started!
It’s amusing, yet frustrating, how people assume this is my first pregnancy after nearly a decade since my last. The unsolicited advice and probing questions never cease.
Here’s what I’ve realized: we won’t always get it right, but each experience is a chance to learn and adapt. Parenting is tough. Just when you think you have your kids figured out, they grow and change their minds. This is especially true for us, juggling pre-teens and a newborn on the way!
We do our best, and though we may stumble — sometimes more than we’d like — we pick ourselves up and ask, “What can I learn from this?” We silence the negative chatter from both our minds and those who love to “suggestive parent.” We embrace our confidence as parents, knowing that every decision we make is in the best interest of our family. Our past experiences inform our present parenting, aiming to create a healthier environment for our children than we had ourselves. Isn’t that the goal of every devoted parent?
We often seek validation from others, allowing their opinions to shape our self-worth. Unfortunately, some naysayers may even be our closest friends or family. But in this journey, we’ve learned that their opinions don’t truly matter. Ultimately, the only opinion that counts is our own.
At the end of each day, we stand in front of the mirror, reflecting on our efforts. If today wasn’t our best, that’s perfectly okay; we have another chance tomorrow. Remember, every parent has their off days, and it doesn’t make you a bad parent.
So, be gentle with yourself. Appreciate the miracle of life you’re nurturing or have already nurtured. Embrace that beautiful, growing belly that might disrupt your sleep and balance. Listen to your body and that quiet voice within you. There’s no manual that will perfectly prepare you for this parenting adventure, but if you tune in to your intuition, you’ll find your path.
I woke up recently with a quote in my mind that I stumbled upon years ago during a search for “how to be a good parent.” This journey is uniquely yours and your partner’s. It’s about tuning out what doesn’t serve you, including your own doubts, and listening to that inner voice that knows the right direction. After all, millennia of human evolution have set you up for this moment. You’ve got the tools you need — take what resonates with your soul and let the rest go.
“The days are long, but the years are short.” So, enjoy this time and stop stressing about reaching that elusive “perfect parent” status. Start today!