A few months ago, my son received a diagnosis of a cancerous tumor. I won’t delve into specifics about its location or rarity, but I can share that he is doing remarkably well. We have every reason to be calm, focused, and optimistic. However, the experience of informing family and friends about his condition turned my world upside down. While some responses were comforting, others missed the mark entirely. If you find yourself supporting someone in a similar situation, here are four phrases to steer clear of:
1. “I Can’t Imagine What You Must Be Going Through.”
This phrase puts the onus on me to comfort you, and frankly, that’s the last thing I need. When you express that you can’t fathom our situation, it emphasizes how dire it is, which isn’t exactly uplifting. Instead, just acknowledge the challenge without placing any emotional burden on us.
2. “You Are Handling This So Well…You Are So Strong.”
I appreciate the sentiment, but it feels like an expectation that I should be falling apart. I’m just a mom doing everything I can to support my child. Most parents would react the same way, finding the strength to keep going because we have to. The reality is, we all want to break down sometimes, but our kids need us to stay strong.
3. “What Can I Do To Help?”
While I genuinely appreciate your desire to assist, asking me what you can do places me in an uncomfortable position. I’m juggling multiple responsibilities, from caring for my other children to managing daily chores. Instead of waiting for me to list out specific needs, it’s often more helpful to take the initiative. One friend dropped off meals without asking, while another organized a meal train, ensuring my husband and kids were supported while we navigated medical treatments. We are grateful for the assistance without having to ask for it.
4. “He Will Be Fine.”
Although I understand you’re trying to be reassuring, this statement can feel dismissive. We are hopeful and believe he will recover, but you aren’t privy to the specifics of his condition or the tough decisions we’re facing. Please remember that this is a complex journey, and reducing it to simple reassurances doesn’t capture the gravity of what we’re experiencing.
The true hero in this situation is my son, who demonstrates incredible resilience in the face of adversity. It’s important to ask about him and show your support for his well-being too. He’s handling this with more courage than most adults, and he deserves all the love and encouragement you can offer.
For more insights on similar topics, check out our post on home insemination kits. If you’re exploring fertility options, Make A Mom offers valuable resources. Additionally, for pregnancy-related information, the March of Dimes is an excellent reference.
Summary
When supporting a parent whose child has been diagnosed with a serious illness, it’s essential to choose your words carefully. Avoid phrases that place emotional burdens on them, make assumptions about their strength, or downplay the situation. Instead, offer practical help and show genuine concern for their child’s well-being.