Navigating the Challenges of Potty Training Regression: We’ll Get Through This Together

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When the time comes to potty train your little one, you might feel ready for the challenge. You’ve probably read some guides or heard helpful tips from friends who have successfully navigated this milestone. But when you dive in, reality hits, and the process can feel overwhelming—filled with accidents, mood swings, and an endless pile of laundry. Yet, after some effort, you finally celebrate your child’s achievement of independence!

However, there’s another side to potty training that often goes unmentioned: regressions. This isn’t just about the occasional slip-up at age two after being trained at 22 months. I’m talking about the tougher regressions that can occur once your child enters the school system. The ones that leave you questioning everything, especially when you thought your kid was beyond that phase.

I’m currently experiencing this firsthand with my daughter, and it’s been a real eye-opener. For instance, after a particularly long week where she got off the couch with a wet backside for the fifth time, I found myself grappling with feelings I didn’t even know I had. When I asked her if she knew what had happened and she simply shrugged, it was frustrating to say the least.

Throughout this journey, my husband and I have always emphasized to our daughter that accidents are perfectly normal. We’ve reassured her that we won’t be upset, as sometimes our bodies don’t give us the signals we need until it’s too late. This perspective is especially important to me, as I dealt with a bladder disorder in childhood that went undiagnosed until I was ten. The shame I felt then still lingers, and I want to ensure my daughter never feels embarrassed about her accidents. Thankfully, she doesn’t seem to carry any shame about them, which I consider a win.

Unfortunately, our smooth sailing came to a halt when we moved out of the city toward the end of her first year in school—what’s referred to as junior kindergarten in Toronto, or pre-K in the U.S. The upheaval disrupted her routine and friendships, resulting in a noticeable uptick in her accidents. While some days would pass without incident, others saw her returning home in borrowed clothes after going through several changes during the day.

We tried to maintain a positive approach, expressing that we weren’t upset but confused about why she couldn’t seem to recognize her body’s signals. I’ve been more proactive in reminding her to use the bathroom, only to have her come back claiming she couldn’t go, just to have another accident shortly after.

Eventually, she confessed that she sometimes held it in because she didn’t like being told what to do. Then she mentioned that she hated washing her hands, which contributed to her reluctance to go. And at times, she said she couldn’t feel the urge to go at all. Yet, I noticed she never had accidents while we were out at restaurants—she always asked to use the restroom then.

Now that my daughter is turning five, I suspect she’s just too caught up in the excitement of life to heed her body’s signals. I’ve consulted our pediatrician, who believes this is behaviorally driven. However, our daily power struggles have become exhausting. She even refuses to drink water at school to avoid having to go to the bathroom. When I remind her to use the restroom before school, it often turns into a battle that risks us being late. I’ve tried everything—yelling, pleading, and even creating reward charts—but nothing seems to work for more than a few weeks.

Every day feels like a struggle for us right now. My daughter is clearly stressed about this natural part of life, and I’m at a loss for how to help her navigate it. No amount of reasoning has made a difference, and talking things through hasn’t seemed to change her mindset.

For now, I hold onto the reassurance from others that this phase won’t last forever—that she won’t be having five accidents a day at sixteen. I hope they’re right—for her sake.

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In summary, potty training regression can be a challenging phase for both children and parents. Understanding the emotional and behavioral aspects of this process is crucial in helping your child navigate through it. Remember, you’re not alone on this journey, and with patience and support, you will get through it.