As I step back into academic life, I can’t help but reflect on a fascinating observation from my six-year-old son: “So, let me get this straight, Mom. You went to mommy school to learn how to be a mommy, right? And now you want to go back to school to learn how to be a teacher? Ah, I get it now. Cool.”
Imagine a Real Mom University—a place dedicated to helping mothers master the ups and downs of parenting. Inspired by this idea, I envisioned a curriculum filled with essential courses for moms to equip themselves for the thrilling journey of motherhood. Before enrolling in this hypothetical Mommy College, there would be a prerequisite course. Below is a glimpse into that syllabus to help you understand the real challenges of motherhood. If you feel faint or break into a sweat while reading, you might want to postpone your application for a while.
Everything You Never Knew You Needed to Survive Motherhood:
- You will discover that all your bathroom visits come with an audience, complete with enthusiastic commentary, critiques, and an unofficial rating system (this encompasses everything from urinating to the occasional pimple popping session).
- Prepare to second-guess every decision—what you say, wear, eat, drink, buy, or even return—because every thought revolves around how it might impact your children.
- You will truly experience unconditional love; for instance, your child will compliment your beauty while you’re in your oldest pajamas, battling morning eye crust and breath that could stop traffic.
- You will begrudgingly accept that when your child politely requests your last extra crispy french fry, you must smile and nod as it heads toward your mouth.
- Forget the phrase “a good night’s sleep.” After having kids, even the faintest sound, like a raccoon rummaging through a trash can far away, will spur you to check on the little ones, even when you know it’s unrelated to their safety.
- You’ll plan a much-anticipated night out with fellow moms, only to spend nearly the entire evening discussing, bragging about, and missing your kids.
- You will master the art of showering in under three minutes, prioritizing mascara or deodorant based on the time left before racing to school.
- Many mornings will go by without you putting on a bra, but you will never forget your child’s first word—”gog,” as they pointed to the dog—or the outfit they wore when they first crawled.
- You will revel in the moment you overhear another mom say, “Are you serious?! You pooped your pants AGAIN?!” and realize this particular mess is not yours to handle.
- After a long and exhausting day, you’ll feel immense relief as your children finally drift off to sleep. However, you might find yourself tiptoeing back into their rooms, watching them for at least twenty minutes, often moved to tears by their innocence and beauty.
Completing this course may not guarantee that you’ll become a perfect mother, but keep this mantra in mind: stay calm, carry on, and pretend to know exactly what you’re doing. This unique journey is a once-in-a-lifetime experience. So buckle up, hold on tight, and savor every moment. There’s nothing quite like it, mama.
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Summary:
This article explores the often-unspoken realities of motherhood with humor and honesty. From navigating personal time to the overwhelming love for your children, it provides a cheeky yet insightful look into the challenges and joys of being a mom.