When my 9-year-old son, Ethan, was diagnosed with leukemia, the support we received from friends and family was incredibly humbling. My in-laws and my own parents made the trip to see us, while friends stepped in to care for my other kids. Neighbors pitched in wherever they could, and it truly made a difference. However, many people aren’t sure how to approach the topic of childhood cancer. Here are some common phrases that I encountered, along with my thoughts, to help others navigate these sensitive conversations:
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“How is your child/your family holding up?”
I truly appreciate when someone takes the time to acknowledge Ethan and the gravity of our situation. Including all my children in this question is especially meaningful. It opens the door for me to share what I’m comfortable discussing, which can change from moment to moment. Just be prepared—if you can’t handle the response, it’s better to say, “I’m keeping you in my thoughts.” This way, I know you care without feeling pressured to provide details. -
“Your child is in my thoughts/prayers.”
Thank you! Knowing that people are thinking of Ethan and cheering for him is incredibly powerful. There have been tough days where I draw strength from the knowledge that there are many rooting for us. A friend once told me her family are our “prayer warriors,” and that sentiment truly warmed my heart. -
“How can I help?”
While I often feel awkward asking for help, I’m grateful for those who proactively offer assistance. Bringing meals, looking after my other kids, or just dropping off a care package filled with treats has been a lifesaver. One day, I came home to find our wonderful neighbors shoveling snow from our driveway, and another time, a friend was working on a project in our yard. These acts of kindness mean so much, especially as the journey continues. -
“I know someone who has/had cancer!”
While I appreciate the attempt to connect, sharing stories of others who faced adverse outcomes can feel disheartening. However, I welcome uplifting stories about children who have triumphed over cancer. Those tales remind me that hope exists. -
“I know she’ll get through this.”
While I appreciate the sentiment behind these words, the truth is that no one can predict the future. Such comments can come off as dismissive of the uncertainty we face daily. I’m learning to take things one step at a time, especially when each moment feels like a small victory. -
“I don’t know how you do it.”
It’s not a choice I made; it’s simply what you do for your child. If you were in my shoes, you’d do everything in your power to ensure your child receives treatment and comfort. I experience a whirlwind of emotions—fear, anger, frustration, and hope—but ultimately, I’m doing what any parent would do. -
“Care to join me for a walk?”
What a lovely offer! If someone can watch Ethan, I’d gladly say yes. Walking with friends helps to ease my anxiety and provides a much-needed break from the heaviness of our situation. It allows me to be present, share my thoughts, and also hear about the lives of others, which I cherish.
Acknowledging my child’s battle head-on is essential. Every family’s experience is different, but one universal truth stands: the strength derived from support is invaluable during challenging times. Showing you care, through words or actions, offers immense comfort to families navigating the hardships of childhood cancer.
For more insights on coping with childhood cancer, consider visiting City of Hope, Dana-Farber Cancer Institute, and Ped-Onc Resource Center.
In summary, supporting a parent of a child with cancer can be nuanced but profoundly impactful. Acknowledgment, offers of help, and simply being present can lift spirits and provide much-needed strength.