Parenting: The Annoyance and The Marvel
Updated: Aug. 23, 2015
Originally Published: Feb. 1, 2012
(Inspired by Judy Blume’s The Pain and The Great One, which relates to my two older children just as much as it did for me and my sibling nearly 30 years ago.)
THE ANNOYANCE
My brother is such an annoyance. He sleeps on Mom’s couch every night, even though he has a perfectly good room with a big bunk bed all to himself. I have to stay in my own bed just because I’m older, which feels completely unfair since I had my own room when I was his age.
Every morning, he wakes up first, which means he chooses the show we watch. I’m stuck enduring Batman and Star Wars—neither of which I particularly enjoy. Plus, he hogs the blanket, leaving my legs chilly, while he’s cozy in his pajamas that have bottoms! It’s not right.
At five, he’s heading to kindergarten, yet he still can’t choose his own clothes like I can. He’s so slow that Mom has to do it for him, or he’d never be ready on time. He cries when I pinch him, even if he started it by hitting me first. Then, Mom gets upset and scolds me, even though I was only retaliating. Sure, my pinch might be a little harder, but that’s just because I’m stronger!
At dinner, I’m expected to eat seven bites of new food because I’m seven, while he only has to manage one or two. How does that make sense? He loves to blow bubbles in his milk, but somehow, I’m the one who gets in trouble when mine spills over because my bubbles are bigger. It’s not fair; I can just fit more air in my cheeks!
When he plays tennis or baseball, Mom and Dad are always amazed by his mediocre hits. Honestly, I’m just saving my strength for when it really counts. Like hitting him back. His bear smells like dirty laundry, yet Mom insists he’s the best stuffed animal in the house, even though I adore my stuffed animals just as much as he does. And let’s be real, I know they aren’t alive.
I don’t get how Mom can say The Annoyance is sweet and adorable. She’s always showering him with kisses and hugs, doing all these mushy things. And Dad claims he’s so cool. Yuck. I can’t help but feel like they love him more than me.