Spending a day with young children can be a wild and messy adventure. When I finally peel off my clothes at the end of the day, they’re so filthy I think they might just walk themselves to the laundry basket. After a particularly chaotic day with my 5-year-old, I decided to jot down a comprehensive list of the various substances I discovered plastered all over me. With a little detective work and some deep breaths, here’s what I uncovered:
- Snot. It’s that time of year again! Looks like booger season lasts until spring.
- A layer of cheesy remnants from snacks. How does it get everywhere??
- Yogurt. If only more of it made it into his mouth instead of my hair.
- What on earth is this??? An unidentified sticky substance—please, don’t let it be poop.
- Poop. Seriously, can we not touch our behinds and then my head while on the toilet?
- The remnants of every meal. Look at me, I’m being a responsible parent by feeding him!
- Hot tea. Yep, spilled it all over myself when my little speed racer crashed into me with his toy truck. Ouch!
- Mud. Isn’t getting dirty good for their immune systems?
- Paint. He decided to explore the paint instead of using it for art. Lovely.
- Milk. There’s always a tear or two over spilled milk in this house.
- Earwax. Gross, just gross.
- Makeup. That expensive lipstick didn’t survive the day. Ugh.
- Playdough. I’ll own this one. It shows he did something creative today!
- Scrapes. Because what’s a day of playing without a few bumps and bruises?
- Neosporin. Refer back to #14 for context.
- Toothpaste. The joys of trying to brush his teeth while sitting on him. Maybe I should just let him skip it.
- Pee. Why do kids wait until the last second to tell you they need to go? A little warning would be nice!
- Chewed-up graham cracker mush. Snack time and cuddles don’t mix well.
- Germs. I can’t see or smell them, but I can feel them crawling all over me.
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In summary, a day spent with my child is a mix of joy and chaos, leaving me covered in all sorts of messy evidence. Every stain tells a story, and even though it’s exhausting, I wouldn’t trade it for the world.