To my beloved partner,
This morning, I awoke to our sweet 2-year-old’s little finger poking my nose, her head resting comfortably on mine, and I could swear her warm breath was steaming the worry lines from my forehead.
Today has been a whirlwind of toddler chaos, with little ones climbing all over me, tugging at my clothes, and sharing their delightful messes. They poke, squeeze, sneeze, and curl up so tightly, I often dream of being engulfed by a giant squid once my eyes finally close at night.
As much as I adore you, I need to request that you keep those charming hands of yours at bay for just a moment. Mama requires some PERSONAL SPACE to shift from the role of mom back to wife.
So, as we prepare for our date night, please consider the following:
- While it may be date night, our kids had a solid three-minute session today where they pinched my stretched bellybutton before I found myself catching the baby’s diaper explosion in my bare hand. So, let’s hold off for a bit.
- Although it’s date night, I haven’t even had a chance to use the restroom since waking up. During my one attempt at privacy, our newly potty-trained child decided to join me, offering to assist with some rather personal business. So, let’s take a moment to let that image fade from my mind.
- It may be date night, but I’m still wearing the same bra from yesterday, which I accidentally fell asleep in. The baby even managed to spit up into my cleavage, and it probably lingered there longer than I’d like to admit. I could use a moment to regroup and maybe even consider tossing that Victoria’s Secret catalog that’s been collecting macaroni dust on the kitchen counter.
- Although it’s date night, our daughter used my arm as a tissue today, declaring it was “mashed bananas.” (It definitely wasn’t.) So, how about you keep your distance until I can scrub both my arm and that memory from existence?
- While it may be date night, I spent the vast majority of my day on my knees. Let me get ahead of any jokes by clarifying that it was mostly spent scraping dried spaghetti sauce from the floor, gathering countless sensory beans, and extracting pee from the carpet. So, as appealing as my holey mom pants may be, I think I’ll take a breather.
- Even though it’s date night, that wild look in my eye is a result of being surrounded by toys that blink, honk, or burst into “Let It Go” in Spanish. So, please don’t be surprised if you find me curled up in a corner, mumbling to myself instead of embracing the romance.
- It may be date night, but I just prepared three meals with one child clinging to my leg, another on my hip tugging at my ponytail, and the third sprawled on the floor crying for attention. For dessert, I’ll take a hefty serving of silent meditation—make it a double.
- And let’s not forget, I just (finally) got the baby down for a nap and have already made a deal with the universe for her to remain asleep this time. If she wakes, I’ll likely be nursing her for another twenty minutes. My poor ta-tas are having an identity crisis right now, so let’s try to keep the noise down for, oh, say, six more hours?
I love you dearly, and you are absolutely irresistible. I promise to refocus on us soon. But today, with the kids so attached to me, it feels as if they’re still inside me. I desperately need to recharge before I can gaze into your dreamy eyes and think about anything other than how wonderful it would be to close mine and just pass out.
For now, let’s enjoy some wine and whole strawberries, rather than those quartered ones. Let’s cozy up by the fire and reminisce about why we fell in love all those years ago. Hold me close throughout the night, keeping me safe from the toddler who has a penchant for jumping on my face at 3 a.m.
Thanks for your understanding. Happy Date Night!