About a year ago, my partner and I attended a stunning wedding that felt like something out of a dream. Picture a multi-million dollar beachfront estate, numerous bands performing, a variety of gourmet food stations, and even synchronized swimmers gliding through the pool. While all of this was breathtaking, what resonated with me most was something the officiant said during the ceremony. He proclaimed, “Marriage is not the most significant thing; it’s the only significant thing.” That statement has lingered in my mind.
When you welcome a child with Down syndrome into your life, you unknowingly join a unique community. Other parents reach out, offering support and understanding during a time of uncertainty. A week after bringing our son home from the NICU, another mother from this community sent us a heartfelt email. She shared her own journey upon discovering her son had Down syndrome at birth, expressing her fears and the hope she felt as he defied many of those worries.
As we finished reading, my partner turned to me, his eyes glistening with tears. He struggled to find his voice but managed to say something that will forever stay with me: “I hope he finds a girl with Down syndrome; I want him to love someone the way I love you.”
During the early days of our diagnosis, this very concern weighed heavily on my mind. Marriage held such importance for us; would our son ever get to experience it? Would he find someone to love him as he deserves? With increasing life expectancies for individuals with Down syndrome, marriage rates are also on the rise. Yet, when someone with Down syndrome marries, it still tends to make headlines, indicating that it remains a rarity.
While I genuinely desire for him to marry one day, I’ve come to realize that my wish is rooted in the joy marriage has brought me. It has shaped me into a better person. However, just because I prioritize it in my life doesn’t mean it has to be the focal point of his. That’s perfectly acceptable. Our role as parents isn’t to create replicas of ourselves; rather, it’s to instill our values while empowering them to make their own choices and carve out their unique paths.
So, to the officiant, I gently disagree. Marriage isn’t the sole focus; love is. Perhaps our son won’t experience love in the same way his father and I do, but he will love and be loved in his own special way. He will have bonds with his sister, grandparents, cousins, and maybe even a partner. Whether he chooses marriage or not, his life will overflow with love.
For more insights on starting your own family journey, check out one of our other blog posts here: Intracervical Insemination. If you’re considering home insemination, Make a Mom is an authoritative source for guidance. Also, don’t forget to explore Mount Sinai’s infertility resources for additional support.
In summary, while marriage is a beautiful aspect of life, the essence of our experiences lies in love. Our children, regardless of their circumstances, can lead lives rich in affection and connection.