I can’t express how grateful I am for the invention of internet parental controls. Navigating the world of parenting in today’s digital climate can be quite daunting. The moment my preteen son asked for his own smartphone with complete seriousness was enough to make me ponder a simpler, Amish lifestyle. Yet, being somewhat modern, we allow our kids to explore technology—safeguarded by parental controls, of course. Thank goodness for that, because if we’d been living off the grid, I would have missed out on one of the funniest things ever: my 6-year-old’s Google search history.
In addition to indulging in games like Angry Birds and Dr. Panda’s Restaurant, my son loves to use the voice search feature on my partner’s phone. He simply starts saying whatever pops into his head, curious to see what Google returns. The other night, my partner came into the room chuckling, handing me the phone and encouraging me to check out the search history. What I found was a hilarious glimpse into the mind of a young boy, filled with whims and random thoughts.
Here’s a peek into his search history:
- 7:39 p.m. – Searched for images of Triceratops and Allosaurus (Pretty standard.)
- 7:39 p.m. – Searched for pictures of all dinosaurs fighting (Wow, ambitious!)
- 7:40 p.m. – Searched for images of Bigfoot
- 7:40 p.m. – Searched for images of gorillas
- 7:40 p.m. – Searched for pictures of Batman socks (Logical progression.)
- 7:41 p.m. – Searched for images of Beethoven playing the piano (Impressive cultural interest!)
- 7:41 p.m. – Searched for pictures of Beethoven the dog playing piano (Ah, that makes more sense.)
- 7:42 p.m. – Searched for pictures of fake girls playing piano (Uh-oh. Didn’t think we’d hit this topic until later…)
- 7:42 p.m. – Searched for images of fake gorillas playing piano (Thank goodness for clarification.)
- 7:43 p.m. – Searched for pictures of T-Rex Godzilla (Is this akin to Sharknado?)
- 7:44 p.m. – Searched for images of T-Rex holding hands with Triceratops (Aw, cute.)
- 7:45 p.m. – Searched for pictures of all the dinosaurs together (Such a sweet thought.)
- 7:46 p.m. – Searched for images of mutant dinosaurs fighting people (And there’s the action!)
- 7:47 p.m. – Searched for pictures of a strong and skinny T-Rex with chains on his wrists (What happened to all that peace?)
- 7:48 p.m. – Searched for images of a Velociraptor that’s skinny with huge muscles in jeans (Honestly, I’m intrigued.)
- 7:49 p.m. – Searched for pictures of all the mutant dinosaurs (Again with the mutants?)
- 7:49 p.m. – Searched for images of dinosaurs eating Chinese food (Can you imagine T-Rex trying chopsticks?)
- 7:49 p.m. – Searched for pictures of mutant chickens (Why not?)
- 7:50 p.m. – Searched for pictures of a Hot Wheels guy on Captain America motorcycle (Hmm, a bit much.)
- 7:50 p.m. – Searched for images of a mutant dinosaur driving the Death Star
- 7:50 p.m. – Searched for pictures of a mutant dinosaur swearing (Swearing? Not my little angel…)
- 7:51 p.m. – Searched for pictures of a mutant dinosaur wearing a clone trooper helmet (Phew.)
- 7:51 p.m. – Searched for images of mutant Captain America (Isn’t that redundant?)
- 7:52 p.m. – Searched for pictures of mutant Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Is there an extra mutant version?)
- 7:53 p.m. – Searched for images of Steel Jaw the real robot
- 7:54 p.m. – Searched for pictures of dinosaur steel
- 7:55 p.m. – Searched for images of a dog with giant muscles (Huh?)
- 7:55 p.m. – Searched for pictures of mutant dogs (Wow, he’s really into mutants.)
- 7:56 p.m. – Searched for pictures of mutant dinosaur dogs (And dinosaurs, especially the mutant ones.)
- 7:56 p.m. – Searched for pictures of Yadier Molina (Not sure what our awesome catcher has to do with mutant dinosaur dogs, but…Go Cards!)
- 7:56 p.m. – Searched for pictures of mutant dinosaurs playing baseball (No need to bring the Yankees into this.)
- 7:57 p.m. – Searched for images of human dinosaurs (I think he meant “Larry King.”)
- 7:57 p.m. – Searched for pictures of rock people (Again, “Larry King.”)
- 7:57 p.m. – Searched for pictures of mummies (Also “Larry King.”)
- 7:57 p.m. – Searched for pictures of babies (Aw.)
- 7:58 p.m. – Searched for images of babies in dirty diapers (And there we go.)
- 7:58 p.m. – Searched for pictures of Jesus carrying the cross (Double aw. Kudos to Catholic school!)
- 7:59 p.m. – Searched for pictures of Jim Parsons (Um, Catholic school?)
- 8:00 p.m. – Searched for images of baby Jim Parsons (As opposed to…)
- 8:00 p.m. – Searched for pictures of mutant baby Jim Parsons (Oh, should have seen that coming.)
- 8:01 p.m. – Searched for pictures of really beautiful Jim Parsons (He’s clearly a fan!)
- 8:01 p.m. – Searched for images of Godzilla lizards (Are we still on Jim Parsons?)
- 8:02 p.m. – Searched for pictures of skinny three-headed Godzilla the nerd (Yep, still Jim Parsons.)
- 8:03 p.m. – Searched for images of space with nerds in space (When did he start watching the Big Bang Theory?)
- 8:04 p.m. – Searched for pictures of April Fool’s mailboxes (I don’t want to know. I’m avoiding our mailbox next April Fool’s Day.)
- 8:04 p.m. – Searched for pictures of the Kids’ Choice Awards (Darn Nickelodeon brainwashing.)
- 8:05 p.m. – Searched for images of Nick Jonas in push-up suits (This has to end now.)
And just like that, it was over. I can’t help but wonder where Nick Jonas would have led his train of thought had he continued. Nonetheless, it was a delightful peek into my son’s imagination within just 30 minutes. Clearly, I should add some dinosaur-themed gifts to his birthday list; he seems to have a little obsession brewing.
Oh dear, I just realized that when he hits his teenage years, I can likely swap “dinosaur” for “sex” and get a pretty accurate stream of consciousness. I should remind myself not to check his Google history then!
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Summary:
This article humorously explores the Google search history of a 6-year-old boy, showcasing his whimsical and often random thoughts. From dinosaurs to pop culture, the list provides a lighthearted glimpse into a child’s imagination and curiosity, while also reflecting the challenges and joys of parenting in the digital age.