Once upon a time, my blog had a different name that was inspired by my son, Jake. He used to joke, “I came up with the name, so this blog wouldn’t exist without me!” It was a playful reminder of when he was a timid two-year-old, afraid of just about everything—his room, his car seat, you name it. The moment he dubbed me “Scary Mommy,” I knew I had a title for my blog, and that was the start of it all.
Shifting Dynamics
But things have shifted recently. While his siblings bask in the spotlight, Jake prefers to stay under the radar. Whenever I’m away during bedtime, he gets emotional, and last week, as I prepared to leave for a few days, he tearfully said, “I wish I’d never said that name, because then you wouldn’t have to go.” Ah, the pangs of mommy guilt—sometimes, it feels sharper than a knife.
Exciting Times
These past weeks have been exhilarating for me—book launch parties, luxurious hotel stays, talk shows, and even making the New York Times list! It feels surreal, and I often find myself pinching my arm to confirm it’s all real. Yet, amid all this excitement, I can’t shake the feeling that my heart belongs at home, clad in comfy yoga pants, surrounded by the kids who inspired this journey.
Finding Balance
At my readings, I often host a Q&A session, and one question I hear repeatedly is about finding balance. “How do you do it?” they ask, and I can’t help but chuckle. Balance? That’s a concept that eludes me! When I’m active, I feel like I neglect my family, but when I’m home, I get restless. I crave the thrill but wish I could savor it in smaller doses. Unfortunately, it seems that’s not how life operates.
Mommy Guilt
So, here I am, writing this with tears in my eyes, heading to New York for the next four days. I’ll miss Jake’s dad’s birthday, a school performance, and the simple joys of being home. Sure, I’ll have a king-sized bed to myself, but I know I won’t sleep well without my little ones nearby.
A Different Mother’s Day
This Mother’s Day will be different; for the first time since my daughter Lily was a baby, I find myself longing to spend the day with my kids rather than taking a break. It turns out that having too little time with them is even more challenging than having too much.
Resources
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Conclusion
In summary, the journey of balancing motherhood and personal achievements is filled with challenges and joys alike. It’s a constant dance between pursuing dreams and cherishing family moments, reminding us that love is at the heart of it all.