Dear Partner, Must You Really Be Such a Mess?

self insemination kit

As a gentle opener:

What in the world is this? Are you really that lazy? Yes, I think you are.

My husband, Dave, is truly one of a kind. Throughout our years together, he has rarely raised his voice, and he certainly has never resorted to any behavior that would send a sensible woman fleeing. He is loyal, loving, intelligent, engaging, sentimental, and generous. Most importantly, he is an incredible father, always ready to play, love, and care for our children. He has a wonderful sense of humor – his laugh is contagious, and he consistently wakes up with a smile, spreading joy in our home. He provides stability for our family and cherishes our marriage, and I keep this in mind daily.

Yet, every morning, I find myself asking, “What on earth is happening here?”

Are those the same baby bottles I left soaking in hot, bubbly water last night, now marinating in tepid, germy water? Is that a dirty diaper next to the changing table? Did I not just tidy up all those toys yesterday? And seriously, is the TV still on? Did the cat actually decide to use my closet as a bathroom because the litter box wasn’t cleaned? Oh right, that’s the same litter box I asked you to clean last night, and you nodded, saying “uh huh.”

And your pants are on the bathroom floor? You took them off and stepped right over them on your way out, right after using the toilet and leaving all the clean-up for “someone else”? Oh, and your shirt is just a foot away from the laundry basket? Really?

I appreciate your good hygiene, but what kind of morning ritual do you have that leaves the mirror, counters, and floors drenched? Did you pull out your toothbrush and toothpaste this morning? I know you did because I put them back every day, yet somehow they seem to believe they can magically return to their holders. And why are wet towels always on my side of the bed?

It’s all good, though, because when you get home from work to take over with the kids and household chores while I retreat to my office, I know there’s some chocolate waiting for me – the very chocolate you gifted me for Mother’s Day. You ate my Mother’s Day chocolate? Right off my desk?

Let’s also address the fridge and food sharing etiquette. Leaving an empty juice jug inside the refrigerator? That’s a no-go. And when you leave a single teaspoon of salsa and say, “I saved you some,” that’s not really saving. Go ahead and finish it. And just for clarity, pesto is not a dip. If I don’t finish my dinner, that doesn’t mean it’s your midnight snack. And baby food? That’s for babies, not for you!

Some basics are consistently neglected, like trash management. Trash belongs in the trash can, not piled up until the lid can barely close. And when you change it, putting in a new bag and taking the full one to the garage isn’t a game. It’s just what needs to happen. Also, the stack of boxes shouldn’t be gathering dust in the garage; they belong in the recycling bin.

Speaking of which, your truck is not a dumpster. I shouldn’t have to spend 15 minutes cleaning up just to find a seat. And that smell? I transport two kids in my car, and I have never encountered that scent before.

Your dresser should be a sanctuary for neatly folded clothes, yet it looks like a tornado hit it every time I open a drawer. And if you’re going to help by putting away clothes, at least don’t take my socks! They don’t belong in our daughter’s drawer just because they’re small.

As for the washing machine, it’s robust, but it’s not designed to handle four loads at once. Just separate them, please. And when you say you’re going to do a “project,” I expect it to be completed, not just a reason to buy another expensive tool that ends up on the patio table in the rain. We likely wouldn’t need to buy another if the other tools weren’t lost in that chaotic garage, which you claim is your responsibility along with the trash and the litter box.

I could continue, but I’m exhausted. Just because I stayed up later than usual doesn’t mean our daughter should be allowed to stay up too. Please, put her to bed. That’s all I ask. Good night.

If you enjoyed this piece, you might want to explore more about parenting and relationships on our blog. You can also check out resources on home insemination, like this one here, or learn more about baby-making kits at Make a Mom, an authority on this topic. Additionally, Rmany offers excellent insights into pregnancy and home insemination.

In summary, while I value the wonderful qualities you possess as a partner and father, I hope we can work together to tackle some of these daily challenges that can feel overwhelming.