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The Mother I Never Expected to Be
When I was younger, I always envisioned myself as a mom; it felt like a natural part of my future. I distinctly recall chatting with a friend during my teenage years about where we imagined ourselves at 35. My answer was simple: married with kids. She, however, claimed she would never have children because she feared she wouldn’t become the kind of mother she aspired to be. At the time, I found her thoughts perplexing. How could she predict her future? Surely, we are the architects of our own lives, right? As a 15-year-old, I was all about that mindset.
Looking back, I now realize my friend’s insight was profound. She was completely right. I am nothing like the mom I envisioned I would be. That doesn’t mean I don’t strive to be a good mother, even though I have my moments of utter chaos. But the idealized version of “that mom” I once imagined? She wouldn’t last a day in my reality.
The Mother I Thought I’d Be:
My children will always feel comfortable talking to me about anything, without fear of judgment.
The Mother I Am:
My kids talk to me about everything, and I judge them—hard. I’m practically Judge Judy over here. I don’t always hand down sentences, but trust me, I’m judging. And they’re not even teenagers yet. Oy.
The Mother I Thought I’d Be:
My kids will have the freedom to choose the radio station in the car.
The Mother I Am:
No way! After listening to “Timber” a million times, I’m taking control of the playlist. “You can listen to whatever you want when you have your own car.” {Did I just say that? My own mother used to say that.}
The Mother I Thought I’d Be:
I’ll be fully engaged in playtime with my kids at all times.
The Mother I Am:
I can’t believe I ever thought that would be feasible. I used to resent my mom for not playing with me enough, and she actually spent a lot of time doing just that! Between chores, sibling responsibilities, and errands, I’m lucky if I can sit down for a meal. Another round of Candy Land? We’ve already played five times—are you kidding?
The Mother I Thought I’d Be:
My children will explore the world through travel.
The Mother I Am:
Traveling is expensive! Taking small children on trips is a mind-numbing ordeal I wouldn’t wish upon anyone. The last journey was a two-hour drive for a soccer tournament, and I seriously considered using duct tape on the older two’s mouths. Travel? Not a chance.
The Mother I Thought I’d Be:
Each of my kids will have their unique personalities, and their behavior won’t impact how I view myself as a parent.
The Mother I Am:
Oh boy, was I wrong. When they achieve something great, I feel on top of the world. But when they misbehave, I see it as a direct reflection of my parenting skills. I know it’s not the healthiest mindset, but it’s how I feel.
No, I’m not the mother I once imagined. I have cobwebs in my house, I’m definitely not trendy, I can be embarrassing, and I don’t always act fairly. But I am here for my kids, 24/7, no matter what. And you know what? I’m laughing and giving it my best shot. For anyone considering parenthood or looking into options like home insemination, resources like Women’s Health can be invaluable. You can also check out this post for more insights. If you’re interested in artificial insemination, Make a Mom is a great authority on the subject.
In summary, motherhood is nothing like I expected, but I embrace the chaos and laughter that come with it.