Like many people, I’ve experienced my fair share of friendships fading away. Each move I made often led to unintentional farewells, leaving friends behind with every school change. I lost companions as we grew apart, our interests diverging, or following disagreements that seemed irreparable. The memories of those friendships linger, and while every loss stings, the most profound heartbreak came after I entered motherhood.
The distance from my friends was not just painful; it was overwhelming. Four years later, I still feel the ache of not only losing those friendships but also the essence of who I was before. During our younger years, friendships often happen by chance—shaped by school assignments, shared activities, and playdates. However, as we grow older, we start to realize that friendships can be more intentional; they can be relationships built on shared interests, laughter, and mutual support.
In art school, I connected with free-spirited creatives. In my early twenties, I embraced the nightlife, surrounded by friends who thrived in parties and spontaneous outings. Yet, as life progressed, my desires shifted. I craved deeper connections, friendships that offered understanding and support rather than just shared late-night escapades.
When I transitioned into marriage and soon after, motherhood, I anticipated that my friendships would endure. I was determined to maintain my identity as a modern, independent woman, believing that motherhood would not swallow me whole. But reality proved otherwise. I welcomed a baby who seemed to have an aversion to sleep. As depression and anxiety consumed me, the person I used to be, along with my friendships, slipped away.
My struggle meant I couldn’t be the friend, wife, or mother I aspired to be. It wasn’t that I lost interest in my friends; rather, I found it challenging to integrate them into my new life, which revolved around my baby’s schedule and constant needs. Friendships need nurturing to thrive, and mine withered as I became estranged from the life I once knew. My old friends were living in a different reality, one where sleepless nights and constant worry were foreign concepts.
They couldn’t understand why I couldn’t join them for dinner or shopping sprees. The thought of being apart from my son felt suffocating. I was consumed with insecurities about my parenting abilities and fears that I would never feel like myself again.
Fortunately, I sought help. Therapy, medication, and my son finally sleeping better helped me climb out of that dark pit. Additionally, I found incredible support from new “mom” friends who understood my experiences as a new mother. With them, I could embrace my identity as Mom Jen, sharing stories about our children and navigating the challenges of motherhood together. Yet, the friendships I lost still linger in my thoughts. It wasn’t just the friendships themselves that I grieved; it was the loss of who I used to be.
Now, as a mother of two, I’m in a better place, embracing the joys and challenges of motherhood. However, I still find myself reflecting on the adventurous, spontaneous person I once was before the responsibilities of parenting took over. Although I catch glimpses of that previous self, it feels like a distant memory. Life has transformed, and my priorities have shifted—wine glasses have been replaced with sippy cups, and shopping for myself is now about finding bargains for my kids.
As I navigate this new reality, I recognize the beauty in my journey and the importance of forging new connections, while still cherishing the friendships I once held dear. For anyone exploring the complexities of motherhood and friendships, consider visiting Make a Mom for insights. Resources like UCSF’s Center for Reproductive Health are invaluable too, offering support during your pregnancy journey.
In summary, the experience of losing friendships during pivotal life changes can feel like losing a piece of yourself. While new friendships may arise, the memories of who we were and the connections we cherished remain significant. Embracing the new while reflecting on the past can lead to growth and understanding.