I no longer observe Father’s Day with my parent. This isn’t due to the passing of my father; he is very much alive. However, my biological father has transitioned into a woman. To clarify, the individual who contributed the sperm that led to my existence is now living as a woman. Yes, the physical changes have occurred, and she embraces femininity through makeup and clothing.
I wish this revelation wasn’t so shocking for many. Ideally, we would exist in a world that wholeheartedly accepts everyone, regardless of their personal journeys or identities—a world where transformation is met with open arms and without judgment. Yet, I understand that for those unfamiliar with such experiences, it may take time to process. Just as my father took years to find her true self, I too needed time to fully embrace her transition.
I learned of my father’s gender identity when I was in my mid-20s. My husband and I visited my parents for the holidays, and my father asked to speak with us privately. My heart raced with worry. Was there a health issue?
Later, in that private moment, my father shared, “There’s a woman inside of me. I sometimes cross-dress to express her.” My reaction? Utter shock. I had braced myself for news of a medical condition, not this. Stunned into silence, I sat there, completely at a loss for words.
My husband broke the tension by saying, “Richard, we love you no matter who you are.” My heart echoed those sentiments. I managed to ask, “Do you have any pictures?” My father laughed and, knowing my intentions were supportive, showed me photos of her transformation.
And now, she is Josephine. While I accepted her identity, I also had to navigate feelings of loss—grieving not just for the father I once knew, but for the future I envisioned for us. Seeking therapy helped me understand that grief and acceptance can coexist. I mourned the loss of the father figure but also welcomed the new beginning that Josephine’s transition represented.
Josephine explained her journey using a computer analogy: while the hardware (the physical body) was changing, the software (the essence of who she is) remained intact. This analogy resonates with me and hopefully can help others better understand transgender experiences. It’s crucial to recognize people for their character, which is what truly defines them. Josephine is a compassionate and loving person, and that’s what matters most.
It’s disheartening to see how many adults struggle to accept this change. I sometimes hesitate to discuss Josephine with friends, fearing they might not respond with understanding. Thankfully, children are often more open-minded. For instance, when my daughter was in preschool and drew her family tree, she asked, “Who is your father?”
I replied, “My father was a man named Richard. He felt like a woman inside and changed her outside to match that.” After a moment of contemplation, she said, “That’s sad; you don’t have a dad. But I love Grandma Jo, and I’m happy she’s here.” Even at a young age, she grasped the bittersweet nature of the situation—acknowledging both sadness and joy in transformation.
Josephine has become her true self, and she radiates happiness. I support her unconditionally. Just because I no longer have a father doesn’t mean I lack a parent; I simply have a different kind of parent, a transgender parent.
However, celebrating my transgender parent during this Hallmark-driven holiday season poses a challenge. It feels inappropriate to honor her on Father’s Day, as she no longer identifies as a father, and Mother’s Day doesn’t feel fitting either.
In my search for alternatives, I discovered a wonderful movement called Trans Parent Day, celebrated on the first Sunday in November. This day honors transgender parents like Josephine, much like Father’s and Mother’s Days. Unfortunately, it hasn’t gained the recognition it deserves from major card companies. (Perhaps I should start a petition!)
On November 2nd and throughout the year, I will celebrate Josephine and the role she plays in my life. Regardless of the physical changes, she will always remain my parent, and that is something worth celebrating.
For more on navigating these discussions, you can visit this resource for valuable insights into pregnancy and home insemination. And for a comprehensive look at the tools available, check out this guide on home insemination kits.