By: Jenna Smith
Updated: August 21, 2015
Originally Published: November 6, 2012
Photo by: Alena Ozerova / Shutterstock
From a young age, I learned the art of saying yes. You see, nice girls are often conditioned to agree, and I was no exception. I said yes during classroom discussions, on the chaotic school bus with papers swirling around, and at sleepovers, snuggled in my cozy Care Bears sleeping bag. I eagerly said yes to awkward boys, quirky teachers, friendly cashiers, and even to a nun in the church basement. It became a habit that I hardly noticed at first.
Looking back, it was in middle school when this pattern began to solidify. I might not have seemed like the quintessential “yes-girl” at first glance. With my curly blond hair, red tights, and acid-washed denim skirt, I was just another girl with friends—mostly from band. I smiled a lot and raised my hand to share thoughts on questions I knew, yet I struggled academically. I enjoyed making others laugh and was perhaps a bit too boisterous. Overall, I was just… nice.
But beneath that cheerful exterior lay a troubling secret: I found it impossible to say no. It’s not that I can’t utter the word itself; forming the sound is easy. I can casually dismiss things in conversation or dramatically declare it when I’m frustrated. Yet, when someone asks me to pet-sit their parakeet with Tourette’s syndrome for four months while they hike in Mozambique, I somehow find myself agreeing.
Even if that parakeet only eats homemade organic mango leather—requiring me to drive three hours weekly to procure it and then chew it into tiny pieces—I’ll still say yes. “Can I call you daily at 2 AM Eastern Time so Mr. Peepers can chirp you a cheerful tune?” Of course, I’ll agree to that too.
If excessive agreeability is a syndrome, I’m deeply afflicted. Despite the advances in technology and personal empowerment, I’ve yet to discover a remedy. I’ve searched high and low for solutions, hoping to find a self-help guide that can help me assert myself.
I often reflect on how much of this compulsion to please stems from societal expectations placed on my generation of women. Growing up, we were told we could achieve anything—a career, love, family, and more. Yet, this was accompanied by unspoken pressures to conform to traditional roles. We were encouraged to pursue our dreams, but the expectations to marry and have children loomed large as we approached our mid-twenties. Saying yes became synonymous with fulfilling those expectations.
As young girls, we quickly learn that nice girls say yes. Even if our first word was “no,” we quickly realize that yes leads to cookies, affection, and praise. Saying yes means we keep those around us happy.
There I was, a five-year-old in knee socks, smiling at a neighbor asking if I liked kindergarten. Internally, I wanted to retort, “No, it’s boring!” But instead, I nodded and smiled, understanding the approval I was meant to provide.
While I have no cure for my own tendency to say yes, I hope for a better future for my daughter. I’m teaching her that it’s perfectly acceptable to say no. This creates some tension, especially since she often says no to me, but it’s a crucial lesson I wish to instill. I don’t want her to face the same struggles I have.
I wonder how many other women, like me, are silently grappling with their need to say yes. How many are agreeing to lead school events or adopting trends just to please others? How many are stuck feeding a borrowed parakeet mango bits simply because they never learned that it’s okay to say no—that the world will continue to turn, and they will still be valued for their choices?
If you want to read more about related topics, check out this article on intracervical insemination. And if you’re looking for ways to enhance your fertility, this fertility booster for men may be of interest. For excellent insights on pregnancy and home insemination, you can explore this resource.
In summary, the societal pressure to say yes is a complex issue many women face. While I strive to teach my daughter the value of saying no, I also reflect on my own experiences and the journey of discovering self-assertion.