Updated: Aug. 3, 2016
Originally Published: November 12, 2012
The other day, as I was tackling the laundry, I found myself scraping bits of partly digested food off my child’s clothes—remnants of the previous night’s chaotic episode. As I removed the lumpy remains of scrambled eggs, I couldn’t help but think: What on earth? Seriously, what on earth? No one prepares you for this side of parenting. Even if they tried, you’d never believe it—holding in your hand food that was once in your kid’s stomach, now transformed into a laundry hazard. You wouldn’t think it would be reasonable to collect it before tossing the clothes in the washer.
This bizarre reality makes perfect sense when you’re caught in the whirlwind of a contagious illness taking over your home. It could be anything—a stubborn virus, lice, or something else entirely. But when the storm hits (and it always does), it generally unfolds like this:
Denial
Initially, denial sets in. Once the first child succumbs to the illness, you might naively convince yourself that you can contain it. You’ll try to isolate her within the house, fully aware that keeping her away from her siblings is practically impossible. You brush off the complaints from the others as mere pleas for attention, convinced they’re not really sick. That is, until you spot the telltale signs—bumps, spots, or whatever affliction is now plaguing your household.
Lockdown
Next comes the stage I like to call “lockdown.” Everyone stays home, and you embark on an ambitious mission to entertain your kids for the next 18 hours. You might find yourself googling “fun activities for kids” or “homeschooling hacks,” promising yourself that you’ll turn this crisis into a bonding experience. It’s a hopeful phase; linger here as long as you can. All those adorable crafts and activities you planned take mere minutes to complete. Your kids look at you with disbelief, as if to say, “Really? This is it?” You muster your best cheerleader voice, exclaiming, “That was amazing! Let’s play that fun counting game again!” And again. And again. Until you feel your sanity start to ebb away. A wrestling match breaks out when your son tackles your daughter over a trivial game score, and suddenly, chaos reigns.
Reality Check
Welcome to reality. The American Academy of Pediatrics wasn’t referring to sick days when they laid out those screen time recommendations. You’re aware of that, right? There’s a little asterisk somewhere in the guidelines that hints at this, but it rarely gets mentioned. So, you let them binge-watch their favorite shows because, let’s face it, even the experts seem to believe that a bit of Phineas and Ferb can fix a lot. In no time, you’ve added in a couple of Super Whys because they need to learn something! Maybe throw in a Doc McStuffins for good measure.
Nutritional Breakdown
And what better way to accompany endless TV than with a nutritional breakdown? You find yourself repeating the same two meals—Peanut Butter and Jelly, Noodles, Scrambled Eggs—over and over again. You try to sell it like, “Wouldn’t it be fun to have this again?” while knowing full well that they haven’t seen a fruit or vegetable in days. But it’s okay; they need fluids, right? Hydration through sodium is doing wonders! You’re such a great mom.
Acceptance
Eventually, you reach acceptance. You remind yourself that this is a perfect opportunity to clean everyone’s bedding and scrub all the toys. But as your hands become raw from scrubbing, you realize that perhaps it was cleaning that got you into this mess in the first place. Germs! Germs are the new trend! Everyone’s all about antibacterial products these days. So, you throw caution to the wind and decide to embrace the germs—because, after all, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, right?
Keep in mind, these phases are just general guidelines, and your experience in contagion town will be uniquely yours. Perhaps you’ll start resembling a character from The Walking Dead, or your kids might mistake Tylenol for a healthy snack. Ultimately, only the strong will endure. So, gear up now for whatever illness will inevitably invade your home this cold and flu season. Stock up on wine, Netflix, disinfectant spray, and microwaveable mac and cheese. Prepare yourself, and you can thank me later.
For more insights and tips on navigating this parenting journey, check out our post on contacting us. And don’t forget to visit this authority on fertility for additional resources. If you’re interested in pregnancy and home insemination, this blog is an excellent resource.
In summary, life in Contagion Town is unpredictable and often chaotic, but by preparing yourself for the inevitable challenges, you can find a bit of humor and resilience in the madness.