As I prepare for a weekend trip to celebrate a friend’s birthday with a group of pals, I can’t help but feel a bit anxious. Thankfully, I have a wonderful partner, Jake, who enjoys spending time with our kids. However, I’ve taken on the role of the main organizer in our somewhat chaotic household. Let’s be real: if you were to witness our daily life, you might request a refund for your ticket. Still, we’ve mastered our uniquely flawed routine, and yet, whenever I’m away, I can’t shake the worry that our little world might just fall apart.
Sure, these worries tend to fade away about 20 minutes after I arrive at my destination — usually thanks to a generous pour of wine — but until then, here are some common concerns that nag at me:
- Will Jake remember to feed the kids? In the past, I fretted that he’d serve meals light on nutrition. Over time, I’ve adjusted my expectations to simply hoping for an occasional fruit or veggie to make an appearance. Now, I’m just praying they make it to Sunday night without developing scurvy!
- And when he does remember to feed them… It’s like a carnival feast at our place. Breakfast could easily consist of corn dogs, cotton candy, and ice cream. The logic seems to be that without my supervision, they can throw healthy eating out the window. Chocolate-covered bacon, anyone?
- Will everyone be dressed appropriately? All I want is for everyone to be fully clothed. I often find myself nagging them with reminders: “Are you wearing clean underwear? Do you have a jacket?” I understand I can be a bit much, but let’s just say our family isn’t exactly known for its survival skills. Like the time my son, Dylan, went to a hockey game barefoot. Yeah, that happened.
- Who will handle the schedule? With two kids, it feels like they need a personal assistant to navigate their packed agendas. Coordinating activities often requires a small army of tech-savvy parents texting and calling to ensure everyone makes it to their various commitments. I just hope the stars align for a smooth soccer-birthday party-football-lacrosse event! (Bonus points if Dylan remembers his shoes!)
- What if a mishap brings shame to our family? While Jake has good intentions, he sometimes lacks basic common sense. Like the time I returned home to find our baby, Lily, dressed in her swimsuit backward. Seriously, unless you’re designing baby wear for a fashion show, it shouldn’t be revealing. Dads, just remember: baby clothes are designed to cover up.
- Will anyone remember our dog? Our fluffy friend, Max, might not get the attention he deserves. You know, the dog everyone promised to help care for? It’s been five years, and he’s still a bit oblivious about his needs. A simple bowl of food and some water would be great, thanks!
- Will the kids be exhausted? When I leave, it’s like Jake turns into a whirlwind of activities. They manage to pack in a year’s worth of outings in just two days! It’s a suburban version of “The Amazing Race,” visiting the zoo, museums, and even going parasailing. His approach to parenting seems to be: keep them busy or they’ll implode.
- Who will check homework? Typically, I oversee the kids’ homework, but when I ask Jake for help, I’ve learned he tends to “check” without actually verifying the work is correct. So now, I end up double-checking what he’s already looked at. Sigh.
- Will they miss me? I have to admit there’s a high chance my kids won’t even notice I’m gone (let’s say an 87% chance). Jake is the fun parent, and I’m often seen as the “fun sponge.” When I call for bedtime, he suddenly becomes David Beckham, kicking a soccer ball around the house. I can’t help but feel a little sad they might not even care.
- On the flip side, what if they do miss me? What if I get bombarded with sad texts and teary phone calls begging me to come home? Nah, just kidding… they’ll probably be lounging around in their pajamas, enjoying their freedom. I can picture them singing “One Less Problem Without You” as I walk out the door.
In conclusion, despite the chaos I anticipate while I’m away, I know my family will manage. They’ll probably have a good laugh, and I’m sure they’ll survive until I return. For more insights into parenting and family life, check out our other posts about home insemination and pregnancy.