How to Sleep Train Your Child:
- Toss out all those books claiming to have the magic formula for sleep training YOUR child.
- Politely ignore any advice from others regarding how they managed to sleep-train their own little ones.
- At bedtime, assist your child in putting on their pajamas, then tuck them into bed.
- Say goodnight, add a heartfelt “I love you” or “Sweet dreams,” and turn off the lights.
- In the morning, help your child get out of bed.
- During the day, if they start to channel their inner whirlwind, it’s time for a nap. Whether it’s once or five times a day, remember: Monster = nap.
- Repeat.
How to Encourage Your Kids to Clean Up Their Toys:
- Casually ask your child, “Could you please pick up your toys?”
- When they ignore you, quietly grab a garbage bag.
- Thanks to their past experiences with you and the sight of that garbage bag, they’ll panic and clean up their toys faster than you can say “superhero.”
How to Help Your Toddler Avoid Tantrums:
- If your child is throwing a fit because you poured milk on their Cheerios after they asked you to, well, you know what to do.
- Stand over them and encourage, “Come on, go bigger! You can be wilder! Yell louder! Flail more!”
- If that fails, join them on the floor and let loose. Really go for it!
- Help them back up to their chair, where they’ll probably be giggling at their silly mom.
How to Teach Your Child Manners:
- Model politeness yourself.
- Withhold assistance (like fetching their water or tying their shoes) unless they are polite in return.
- Repeat those steps a staggering number of times—think 9,657,987!
How to Get Your Child to Eat What You Cook:
- Prepare a meal that you’re craving.
- Serve a small portion of the same food on your child’s plate.
- Enjoy your meal.
- Clean their plate once dinner is done, which will be marked by either an empty plate or a child asleep with their head on the table. They’ll eventually get hungry enough to join you in eating what you serve. Not that I know from experience; I usually resort to mac ‘n cheese to avoid the food fight.
How to Potty Train Your Child:
- Ditch the diapers.
- Show them where the bathroom is.
- Prepare to invest in a mop.
How to Teach Your Child to Be Kind:
- Show them kindness. That’s all there is to it.
Disclaimer:
Written from my home, where my toddler is currently voicing her displeasure from the time-out chair, likely won’t be potty-trained until she’s a teenager, and is having a major meltdown. My six-year-old has the remarkable ability to slide tackle his sister every few seconds. But hey, a girl can dream!
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Summary:
This playful guide offers humorous yet practical tips on training your toddler in various aspects of daily life, from sleep training to manners, while maintaining a light-hearted tone. Each section provides step-by-step instructions that are relatable for parents, highlighting the challenges and joys of raising young children.