A few years back, my friend Lily and I were reminiscing about our parenting adventures when the conversation turned to the delightful topic of naps. “Jack took an incredibly long nap yesterday,” Lily shared. “I managed to clean out the kitchen cabinets and fold laundry, but then I started pacing around, thinking, ‘Come on, Jack, wake up! I’m ready for some fun!’”
I nearly spilled my coffee at that moment. Did she really just say she wanted her child to wake up from a nap? My mind reeled with surprise. Moments later, guilt washed over me for wishing my two kids would nap for as long as possible. After a brief internal struggle, all I could muster was, “Wow. He’s a fantastic napper.” We quickly shifted our focus to which toy was driving us crazy.
This exchange lingered in my thoughts, leading me to realize something profound. Lily is a true extrovert. When she unwinds after a long day, she dives into phone calls, cranks up the music, or organizes a potluck with friends. For her, playing with toddlers is just one of many social interactions that energize her.
On the other hand, I identify more with the introverted side of the spectrum. An empty house (and I mean completely quiet) and a good book are what I yearn for when stress levels rise. For me, playing with toddlers isn’t exactly how I recharge. While we introverts can certainly engage socially and be involved parents, our ways of recharging differ greatly from those of our extroverted counterparts.
When you’re an introverted mom, becoming a parent can feel like a shock to your system. Suddenly, you find yourself with little to no alone time. Sure, your new baby may not be talking yet and might sometimes be quiet, but let’s be real—you’re never truly alone from the moment your first child arrives.
Here are four key strategies for introverted moms to consider:
- Don’t feel guilty for desiring time away from your kids: My favorite part of the day is after the kids are tucked in bed, and I think many introverted moms would agree. I adore my children, but that precious downtime after they fall asleep is crucial for me. If you find yourself longing for alone time, that’s perfectly normal. You don’t need to sacrifice your “Good Parent” badge over it.
- Make sure to carve out solitary moments: Your kids love to cling to you, snuggle up, or even wipe their noses on you. It can get overwhelming! As an introvert, you need some quiet time to replenish your patience. If you work outside the home, it’s even more essential. Sneak away for a few minutes with a magazine, announce you need to use the restroom, and enjoy a few moments behind a locked door. If possible, take an evening stroll or run errands solo. You deserve this time, and it will make you a more patient and engaged parent.
- Avoid isolating yourself too much: I know this sounds contradictory, but even introverts can have too much alone time. While you may have a little one by your side, they can’t provide the deep conversations and laughter that come from spending time with friends. Schedule coffee dates, playdates, or even a girls’ night out every so often. Look for a local mom’s group to connect with, as it can enhance your enjoyment of both alone time and social time.
- Remember that this phase won’t last forever: My boys are now in elementary school and are out of the house for several hours each day. The first time I dropped them off at school, I celebrated all the way home—no exaggeration! As time goes on, I’ve made a point not to fill my schedule with too much work or commitments. I genuinely cherish the quiet moments at home. And when my kids return, I’m excited to see their smiling faces. This will happen for you too! As your children grow, their dependency will lessen, and you’ll find more time for relaxing activities like reading or simply enjoying your own company.
As my boys grow into teenagers, I remind myself that this chaotic phase is temporary. Before long, I’ll be enjoying my Netflix binges and quiet evenings with a drink in hand, probably missing my little ones. So, I encourage you to embrace the noise and the mess, knowing that you have your favorite magazine waiting in the bathroom for those much-needed retreat moments.
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Summary:
Introverted moms can thrive in parenthood by accepting their need for alone time, balancing solitude with social interactions, and recognizing that the demands of parenting will change over time. Embracing this journey can lead to a fulfilling and joyful parenting experience.