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The Tough Love Mom
Having four children in just seven years has its challenges, and I’m currently feeling the effects of that decision. My youngest is now 13 (and I just caught him sneaking a snack after dinner—wait, here he comes again), while my oldest is about to turn 21. He thinks that being close to 21 gives him carte blanche to enjoy a few beers in his room—only to stash the empties under his bed. It’s safe to say I might be down to three kids soon. But I digress! Toss in my 15-year-old who spends more time on grooming than the rest of us combined, plus a free-spirited 19-year-old college sophomore who hasn’t met a rule she finds reasonable, and you can see why I’ve been feeling a bit irritable this summer.
With a revolving door of friends and endless snacking, not to mention the typical teenage antics, my home has turned into a chaotic mess of clothes, dishes, wrappers, and towels. This has pushed me to the edge, far beyond the sunburn I got on my side. At some point during these lazy summer days, after tripping over yet another pair of sneakers, my annoyance morphs into full-blown frustration.
When my kindness is taken for granted, I can’t help but feel angry. I start to reflect on the life I provide for my kids, all the meals I cook, and the never-ending cleaning I do, like I’m stuck on a hamster wheel of my own making. Then I dwell on all the contributions they fail to make around the house (if only our dog didn’t have his invisibility mode on all summer, maybe they’d realize he’s here!). When my simple house rules are treated with such blatant disregard, I reach my boiling point.
In the past, “Psycho Mom” would surface during these moments. She would shout and take away electronics, grounding any child in sight until order was restored—at least temporarily. While those tactics still somewhat work on my teenagers (I’ve hidden the boys’ video game console until they finish their summer reading, and one kid has lost his phone for the entire season due to poor choices), the game changes as they grow older. If you’re raising your young adults like I am (check out my five tips from an earlier post), they’re likely making some financial contributions too, which complicates the grounding process, especially when they have cars insured by their own hard-earned money.
Enter “Tough Love Mom,” who’s stepping up to take control. For instance, my husband and I recently had a weekend getaway with our two younger kids, leaving the older two in charge with a clear set of expectations. You can probably guess how that went… Within moments of returning home, we discovered that the older siblings had turned our house into a party zone, complete with friends crashing without permission. Sure enough, evidence was strewn about, including a bottle cap lurking under the toaster oven.
As a result, they were each handed a bill for $125, reflecting the cost of their little “hotel stay.” I made it clear that if this behavior continued, the price tag would quadruple, and they’d soon find themselves in a financially sticky situation. Remember, those student loans have co-signers—just saying!
In the end, “Tough Love Mom” managed to collect $250. Perhaps I’ll set it aside for my high school reunion trip to Long Island in September. I can already imagine sharing this story with old friends who likely experienced the same thing back in their day.
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Summary
Parenting four kids in seven years can be a wild ride, especially when the oldest thinks he can party like he’s in college while the younger ones contribute to the chaos. As “Tough Love Mom,” I’ve had to adapt my approach to discipline as my children grow. With clear expectations and consequences, I can regain some control in this bustling household while keeping a sense of humor about it all.