Updated: Jan. 6, 2016
Originally Published: Jan. 9, 2013
As my son’s social life expands, I find myself attending more gatherings than I can count. Just last month, we celebrated four birthday parties, and yes, I may or may not have once snatched a slice of cake from another child when my own didn’t save me any pizza.
Being your child’s social coordinator often means mingling with fellow parents, and sometimes it feels like the only bond we share is our dedication to parenting. To help navigate these events, I’ve come up with a few light-hearted guidelines:
- Until we’ve shared a glass of wine, it’s perfectly fine for us to refer to each other as [Child’s Name]’s [Mom or Dad]. You know what I mean, right, Charlie’s Mom?
- If I bring a present to a party in a play area that smells like a locker room and where I have to take off my shoes to enjoy greasy pizza, I expect a heartfelt thank-you note.
- If you invite me to a similar party, you better believe I’m waiting for a prompt RSVP, especially when I have to pre-order and pay for that pizza!
- When I’m re-gifting for your child’s birthday, I always think, “Would I want this in my home?” Please exercise the same discretion or I’m tempted to fill your car with glitter.
- When someone asks, “Should I bring wine?” I treat it as a rhetorical question.
- I’m more than willing to help out with childcare when you’re in a bind, but remember, that’s a tab you’ve opened!
- If your child is particularly sensitive, please don’t expect other parents to force apologies for every little meltdown. It’ll only create unnecessary anxiety, and therapy is expensive.
- If we’ve exchanged pleasantries at drop-off for over three years, you’re expected to hold the door for me. I may not always have my hair done, but I assure you I’m not a vagrant looking for free snacks.
- When planning get-togethers, keep in mind that dads are parents too, not just sidekicks who hang around with the moms.
- Please label your nannies clearly. I feel a lot better knowing it’s a 19-year-old au pair making me feel frumpy rather than someone my own age.
This article originally appeared on Jan. 9, 2013.
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In summary, navigating the social scenes of parenting can feel overwhelming, but with a few humorous guidelines and a touch of understanding, you can make the experience enjoyable for everyone involved.