The Mommy Evaluation Report

Position

Mom; Specialist in Toddler Management, Household Operations Manager, Culinary Expert, Event Planner, Laundry Attendant, Arts & Crafts Coordinator, Educational Guide, Snack Keeper, Nap Supervisor, Toddler Support Specialist

Supervisor

Jamie; Chief Executive Officer of Mom, Inc. & Head of Toddler Management

1. Knowledge, Skills, & Abilities

Mom possesses the essential knowledge and skills to fulfill her role effectively. She manages to avoid laundry disasters and rarely burns meals. She can swiftly clear the vacuum of 42 tiny toy pieces and has perfected the art of diapering, even when I’m racing around like a whirlwind.

This past year has shown remarkable progress. She can now juggle holding me while completing 25 other tasks. I’ve noticed her adeptly adjusting the home’s heating and mastering complex functions on the TV remote.

However, her skills in loading the dishwasher and dusting are in need of some refinement. Other areas that require attention are detailed below. It’s commendable that when faced with difficulties, she seeks help—usually from the Internet or my Dad.

2. Quality of Work/Productivity

Her work can be inconsistent, sometimes falling short of expectations. The delay in meeting my demands—like when I yell “SEAT!”—can take as long as 32 seconds. Just the other day, I had to pull my chair completely to the floor to grab her attention. She claimed she was cleaning up cookie crumbs, but I suspect she was just lying down for a moment.

I’ve been waiting for days for my favorite T-shirt to be cleaned. When it was finally presented, it was wrinkled due to her hurried folding. Mommy needs to improve in this area, and I can help her develop a plan for the upcoming year.

3. Reliability

While she strives to respond to my cries and needs, Mommy often struggles to stay focused on tasks. My requests for “Help,” “Read, Read, Read,” or “SIP!” frequently divert her attention from cooking or laundry.

Her time spent on Twitter raises concerns. I mean, this diaper isn’t going to change itself! Occasionally, I catch her reading a magazine when she should be cleaning the cat boxes or organizing my baby keepsakes. Although she is entitled to breaks, her time is already limited.

Mommy starts projects with good intentions but often fails to follow through. I’m currently sporting half a haircut and seven untrimmed toenails because she abandoned those tasks when I started throwing a fit.

4. Communication

Mommy talks a lot, yet her listening skills leave something to be desired. Now that I can express myself, she seems confused. While she understands when I want a drink or a cookie, it often takes her several attempts to meet my requests. (For the record, I despise mustard!)

When I ask for the “Phone” or the “mote,” it’s as if she doesn’t hear me. I know she can hear me because she rushes to the potty seat if I say “Poop.” Addressing her selective hearing is crucial since effective communication is vital in her role. I shouldn’t have to throw a tantrum every time I wish to run with a fork or play in the medicine cabinet.

5. Work Relationships

Mommy exudes love and affection, often asking for hugs and kisses. However, she sometimes struggles to get along with both me and Dad. She tends to become tense when we are running around the house late into the evening.

She needs to unwind a bit—I will go to bed eventually! Occasionally, I find her quietly crying during her breaks, signaling she may be overwhelmed. This behavior is not acceptable in such a prominent role. Improving her relationships with co-workers will enhance her work life.

This article was originally featured on March 4, 2013.

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In summary, while Mommy has made strides in her role, there are areas that need improvement, particularly in responsiveness, communication, and task completion. With a focus on these aspects, I’m confident her performance will become even more effective.