The Infant Pledge

self insemination kit

When you step into the medical profession, you commit to the Hippocratic Oath. To become a citizen of the United States, you take the Naturalization Oath. It seems babies have their own special Infant Pledge. If they could articulate their thoughts, it might go something like this:

I solemnly vow to be an equal mix of irresistibly charming and completely revolting.

I will show no regard for your belongings; everything you cherish is now in my territory.

I will guarantee a messy diaper just as you’re about to leave the house. And if I’m dressed for an important event, prepare for a surprise that’s anything but delightful.

I will regurgitate on you while you wear your one and only clean outfit.

I will categorically refuse the food you offer, while somehow finding ways to ingest everything that could cause me distress.

I will not hesitate to cry—loudly, in public, and without provocation.

I will find energy when it’s time for you to rest, but will be utterly fatigued when you have plans.

You will experience blissful cuddles, quickly followed by unexpected flailing and headbutts.

I will detect your fatigue as if by radar, and at those moments, I will demand to be held, rocked, and serenaded.

I will defy all principles of physics and childproofing, rendering your attempts to safeguard me futile.

I will remember my favorite song, story, or show and insist you repeat it until you reach your breaking point.

I will disrupt your sleep, bathing, and meal times. This will commence the moment you bring me home from the hospital.

I will crawl before you’re ready; I’ll be walking before you expect it; I will run, fast and free.

I pledge to grow up in an instant, reaching my first birthday before you can even ask, “When did you get so big?”

I promise it’ll all be worth it… (at least until I reach toddlerhood.)

For more insights on parenting and the journey to motherhood, check out this post on intracervicalinsemination.com. Also, if you’re exploring options for conception, learn more about home insemination kits at Make A Mom. For additional information regarding intrauterine insemination, you can find helpful details at NHS.

In summary, the Infant Pledge humorously captures the essence of what it means to welcome a baby into your life. From charming moments to the chaotic realities of parenthood, it’s a wild but rewarding ride.