Recently, my ex-husband unleashed a rather harsh email, stating, “I won’t waste another minute trying to explain anything to you.” This was in response to my straightforward inquiries about dividing our finances. As a financial advisor, this realm is his specialty, and in a moment of trust—or perhaps naivety—I allowed him to take the reins even before we tied the knot. Money has always been a significant passion for him.
Now, at 37, I find myself in the uncomfortable position of not having done my own taxes for over a decade. I was unaware of our financial status or where our assets were kept until I made the tough decision to leave the marriage. While I have always held a deep respect for finances, they never held a special place in my heart.
After a long and expensive legal battle, we are finally untangling the last threads of our shared financial life. Logically, I still need to gather crucial details, yet he remains uncooperative, seemingly intent on punishing me and holding onto his resentment.
Despite his feelings towards me, he is the father of my two beloved children, and that connection compels me to seek a way to rise above the animosity. The only method I’ve found to cope is to remind myself of his humanity. Some days, this feels like trudging through mud. When my daughter expresses her desire to forgo getting a kitten because her father claims I won’t care for it, I have to take a deep breath and remind myself that he is a flawed human being—just like all of us.
This endeavor stretches my compassion to its limits, sometimes leaving me feeling drained. Each day is a practice in recognizing that he is, at his core, simply human. He is fallible, often blind to what truly matters in life. Alongside this, I must consistently remind myself of the essential values I hold dear.
Over time, I’ve come to understand that his disdain for me can be seen as a blessing in disguise. It serves as a constant reminder of what I cherish and the profound strength that love possesses. My children have taught me the true essence of love—what it means and what it doesn’t. The love I feel for them is humbling, reducing me to my core. It’s reminiscent of awe-inspiring images of distant galaxies—vast, beautiful, and familiar. This love is elegantly simple yet layered, containing elements as complex as the universe itself.
It’s the most potent force I know and has become the most significant aspect of my life. Like the stars, love has immense power; it can inspire you to accomplish the unimaginable, even prompting you to wish well for those who may wish you harm. And indeed, I do.
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In summary, navigating a relationship with an ex-husband who harbors negative feelings can be incredibly challenging. However, by focusing on the love I have for my children and embracing compassion, I find a way to maintain my own sense of peace and purpose.