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The Playdate Dilemma
Let’s face it: I can’t stand the term “playdate.” To me, the notion of scheduling a “date” for kids to play just feels wrong. Kids should play freely, preferably outside or at a friend’s house. Whatever happened to being kicked outside by your parents and having to entertain yourself with your sibling on that old swing set in the backyard?
Growing up, Saturdays were a predictable routine. My brother and I would rise with the sun, watch cartoons like The Jetsons and Gummy Bears, and inevitably make a mess in the basement. Breakfast was my mom’s way of signaling that the weekend fun was over, and it was time for chores.
After breakfast, we would be sent to dismantle the elaborate Lego fort we had constructed that morning, dusting and vacuuming every inch of our rooms. The reward? Being locked outside to play until dinner. Those carefree days are starkly different from what my children will experience.
My eldest will definitely remember the playdate frenzy. I was all in for her—joining every playgroup and hopping from one to another in search of camaraderie and support. Instead, I found myself in what felt like a negotiation summit among tiny tyrants while discussing the merits of various sippy cups or stroller models.
The typical two-hour playdate often turned into a cleaning marathon, as I spent more time picking up snacks and toys than actually relaxing. I yearned for a chance to kick back with a cocktail and connect with other moms, but it seemed that 10 a.m. was too early for that kind of indulgence. I even considered proposing a breakfast cocktail hour, but that idea never gained traction.
Then there were the unsolicited playdates. More than once, kids would invite themselves over without my prior knowledge. I’d grant permission for a playdate, only to be confronted by the other parent asking when they should pick their child up. Excuse me? If you invite someone, you should host, right? There was even a time when a parent bluntly asked if her son could come over to play at my house without any prior discussion. I had to turn her down, baffled.
The day finally arrived when my kids could hang out with friends without me hovering around. At first, it felt liberating, until I realized I was now responsible for not just my two kids but their friends as well. One child didn’t like the snack I offered and asked for alternatives, while another felt comfortable enough to rummage through my fridge. There was even the time when my son’s friend insisted on calling me by my first name despite repeated requests to address me properly, or when another child had an accident in the bathroom and refused to come out!
It’s hard to accept that kids seem to need a schedule to play outside. My house is just a short walk from three boys in my son’s class, and my daughter is now able to stroll to her friends’ homes. Yet, no one seems to just head outside to play anymore. Maybe I should provide my kids with planners to schedule their playdates like it’s a board meeting.
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In summary, while playdates may seem to offer a structured environment for children, they often lack the spontaneous joy of unplanned outdoor play. Our childhood memories of free play are fading, replaced by scheduled events that feel more like negotiations than genuine fun.