“Max! Can you please come out of the closet?” I called to my son, who was literally hiding inside it.
“Okay, Mommy! I’m here! How did you find me?” he exclaimed as he dashed out, launching his small, three-year-old frame into my arms.
Max is simply delightful. Adorable, even. His gentle features and large, expressive eyes are irresistibly charming, especially when he speaks in his sweet, high-pitched voice.
He loves pink and purple, and can often be found clumping around the house in my heels, with cherry lip balm permanently in his pockets, meticulously applying it while pursing his lips for a flawless finish. Meanwhile, his sister, Lily, who is five, has always embraced her girly side; Max, on the other hand, walks the line between boyishness and femininity.
I don’t believe he is gay, nor do I think Lily is. However, I have contemplated how I would navigate that conversation if either of them came out in the future. To remind myself of my current feelings, I’m writing a letter to my future self, a practice I often share on my blog, so I can hold onto my beliefs when that day arrives.
Dear Future Me,
Hey there, girl! It’s been a minute, huh? If you’re reading this, it means one of two things: either Max has told you he’s gay, or Lily has confided in you that she’s a lesbian. In any case, remember the promise you made to yourself a while back.
You used to joke about Max crawling around pretending to be a pink cat, marveling at how “pretty” he looked. You always knew Lily would take after her dad on the soccer field, maybe not expecting her to bulldoze the competition and earn a scholarship to your alma mater.
You might have squealed on the sidelines like a wounded animal, but no one noticed, right?
The thing is, you once promised yourself that if you found yourself in this situation, you would handle it gracefully. Here are some reminders for you:
- I know you’re anxious—probably a bit worried too. Take a deep breath and grab a drink, okay? Think about where your fears stem from. You want them to be accepted, to have lives free from hatred and ignorance. You’re haunted by your own experiences with intolerance, like waking up to hateful graffiti or the sound of glass shattering from a brick thrown through your parents’ shop window.
- You understand what it feels like to be an outsider, to wish you were different. But those painful moments? They weren’t your shame to carry; that belonged to those who spread hate. Your mission now is to ensure your kids never feel ashamed for who they are. They must always know that living authentically is the only way to be, and that you’ll stand by them no matter what.
- Remember your promise to them. When they were tiny and vulnerable, nestled in your arms, you swore you’d do anything for them. You knew there would be challenges you couldn’t shield them from, but you pledged to support them through it all. You can’t fight every battle, but they need to feel your unwavering presence beside them.
- Their identity doesn’t change your love. No matter what anyone says, remind them they are incredible. Their kindness, courage, and commitment to life outweigh any label. They didn’t choose their sexuality, just as you didn’t choose to be straight. You’ve seen how hard it can be for those who’ve faced rejection. If you ever think about sending your child to a conversion camp, just stop and think again. Seriously, don’t even go there.
- Encourage them to live boldly. There will always be critics, but that shouldn’t stop them from shining. Teach them to dance as if everyone is watching, live fully enough that they leave a lasting impression.
So there it is, a little pep talk before you start to panic about something you promised yourself you wouldn’t sweat. Just remember to support them, love them, and fight for them. You’ve got this!
Love,
Yourself.
If you’re interested in more on this topic, check out this article for insights into home insemination. And for those looking into artificial insemination, Make a Mom is a fantastic resource. For more guidance, Progyny has excellent information on pregnancy and home insemination.
Conclusion
In summary, as a parent, it’s crucial to create a loving and supportive environment for your children, regardless of their sexual orientation. By fostering acceptance, you can help them embrace their true selves without shame, while reminding them that they are cherished and valued.