Updated: Dec. 25, 2015
Originally Published: June 27, 2013
My partner and I come from families where marriage has been the norm for generations. Choosing to separate and ultimately divorce thrust us into uncharted territory regarding parenting, a journey neither of us had ever anticipated. Naturally, we worried about how this change would impact our kids.
Surprisingly, the transition hasn’t been the disaster we feared. With our children still young, they haven’t asked many questions. More importantly, our separation has led us to become more engaged and intentional parents, even though we are no longer cohabiting.
1. Embracing “Me Time”
Upon separating, I moved into a cozy little apartment. During the week, I stayed with the kids, while my partner took them on weekends. This arrangement has given me the much-needed personal space I craved while being a stay-at-home parent.
I now enjoy three peaceful nights of sleep each week. I have no tasks to juggle, no errands to run. I can grab brunch with friends without worrying about childcare or ordering a kids’ meal. Just the other day, I treated myself to a midday pedicure—what a luxury! I have the freedom to choose my own movies or spend a whole day lost in a book.
Adjusting to this newfound time has been enlightening—I can reconnect with old hobbies and nurture friendships. And when I reunite with my kids after a few days apart, they seem more vibrant and dearer than ever. My energy is replenished, my patience refreshed, and we can truly enjoy our time together.
2. Reduced Stress Levels
Now that I’m parenting solo, you might think it would be more challenging, but the reality is different. Sure, I sometimes find myself eating dinner at 10 PM, but the chaotic hours after school and before bedtime feel less overwhelming without the tension of a troubled marriage.
I hadn’t realized how much my unhappiness was affecting my parenting. There was always anxiety about my partner’s arrival time, his mood, and how we’d navigate dinner and nightly routines. When he was home, I often felt a sense of resentment if he didn’t step in to help immediately. I was inadvertently creating my own stress.
The absence of that dynamic has been liberating. After the kids are in bed, I no longer have to navigate anger or resentment. There are no silent treatments or arguments—just peaceful evenings for me to unwind or tackle chores at my own pace. Interestingly, handling the evening routine alone feels much easier now.
3. Better Collaboration
Without the emotional baggage from our past disputes, co-parenting has become simpler. We can discuss parenting matters more objectively rather than letting emotions escalate. Communicating via email has become our norm, eliminating the chance for heated exchanges.
For example, if I notice he bought the wrong diaper size, I can casually mention it in our weekly email updates about the kids’ sleeping patterns or laundry status. It’s far less charged than discussing it face-to-face after a tiring day.
We’ve even started collaborating on discipline strategies for our almost four-year-old. Together, we’re crafting a concise list of rules with agreed-upon consequences. Tackling these significant topics has never felt so straightforward.
While navigating single parenting may not be ideal, it’s not the daunting experience I envisioned. I’m still finding my rhythm as a single parent, but it’s much more manageable than I anticipated.
For more insights on parenting and family dynamics, check out this post on our blog.
In summary, our separation has led to enhanced personal time, reduced stress, and improved collaboration in parenting. This journey has challenged us in ways we never expected but has ultimately made us better parents.