It can feel flattering when others notice and appreciate us, whether they’re men or women. Many women, to some degree, desire to be seen, recognized, and cherished for their beauty. However, this admiration can often become uncomfortable.
Throughout my life, I’ve been the subject of attention from men, starting as early as middle school. I remember a day in 6th grade, riding my bike when an older man in a truck whistled and made a crude gesture that left me feeling violated and confused. Even as a child, I understood that it was inappropriate, and the memory still makes my stomach churn.
These experiences have unfortunately continued throughout my life. Many women encounter men who treat us as mere objects for their gratification, as if we exist solely to fulfill their desires. This behavior is not only disrespectful but downright disturbing.
Over the years, I’ve learned to navigate these encounters—avoiding eye contact, ignoring derogatory comments, and pretending I’m unaffected by their words. After high school, I faced several instances of sexual abuse, which led to a troubling belief that my worth to men was solely based on sexual appeal, a notion I wrongly internalized.
People often describe me as a sensual individual. During a counseling session, while discussing a traumatic experience, my counselor remarked on my “natural sensuality” based on my clothing and mannerisms. It was as if my beauty was a justification for the abuse I suffered, and I felt reduced to an object rather than a person.
It’s disheartening that society seldom celebrates women for their intellect, kindness, or achievements. No one hollers about your compassionate heart or your intelligence; it’s always about the physical. When a man expresses interest, it often quickly shifts to what he desires from your body rather than seeking a genuine connection.
Recently, a married man showed interest in me, and while the initial flirting felt flattering and exciting, it quickly soured when I discovered his marital status. It was a stark reminder that many men prioritize their own needs over respect for women as individuals.
Women often find themselves in a frustrating predicament. If we embrace our attractiveness, we attract unwanted attention from inappropriate men, which is simply unfair. I put effort into my appearance not to invite attention, but to feel good about myself. Yet, when I receive unwanted comments, I feel pressured to dress conservatively and suppress my confidence.
It’s alarming that some men are driven solely by their sexual urges, disregarding the humanity of the women they objectify. While not all men behave this way, those who do create an environment where women cannot feel safe or valued in their own skin.
To the men who think women are here for your pleasure: we are not. Your catcalls are not charming—they’re degrading. Your attempts to flirt with someone who is not available do not make me feel desired; they make me feel uneasy. I refuse to hide behind loose clothing or feel guilty for taking pride in my appearance.
My femininity is not a plaything for you. My beauty is not an invitation for your gaze or your fantasy.
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In summary, women deserve to be recognized for their whole selves—not just for their physical appearance. It’s crucial to challenge the narrative that reduces us to mere objects of desire. True empowerment comes from being valued for who we are beyond the surface.