What to Anticipate When You Have Four Kids

self insemination kit

After navigating through four pregnancies over the span of six and a half years, I’ve experienced significant growth in multiple areas:

1. Physical Transformation: I’ve fluctuated a total of 140 pounds, averaging about 35 pounds per pregnancy—some pregnancies definitely required more chocolate and nachos than others!
2. Vanity Shift: I completely surrendered my last bit of coolness when we purchased a minivan, which I had previously promised never to drive (only nerds drive minivans, right?).
3. Control Loss: Coordinated outfits for my kids? Forget it. Who has time for that?
4. MacGyver Skills: I’ve become incredibly adaptable. From dealing with broken legs (three so far) to newborn colds (I stopped counting after a dozen), I’ve learned that life goes on, even when you forget the Pack ‘n Play for an overnight trip—no big deal!

If you’re contemplating having four children, here’s what you can expect:

1. Out and About: When you venture out with all your kids, people will react as if you’re a three-headed dragon. Just recently, at a doctor’s appointment, four strangers approached me to confirm that all these kids were mine. One lady even stopped her car to ask! Here are some classic remarks you’ll hear regularly: “That’s a lot of kids!” “Are they all yours?” “You have your hands full!” “Did you plan this?” “Better you than me!”
2. Mental Chaos: Your daily life will feel like a real-life version of ‘Memento’. Remember that movie? It’s about a guy who can only recall 15-minute snippets of his life. That’s pretty much me—my brain is like an internet browser with 462 tabs open. Did I pay that bill? What day is it? When did the baby last nurse? Why does child number two have his shirt on backwards? And why do I not care? The constant chatter from my four kids is like annoying pop-up ads—so much to juggle that some things inevitably slip my mind, like forgetting jackets or responding to texts.
3. Morning Madness: Getting out of the house each morning is akin to living in ‘Jumanji’. My partner, Mark, recently had to handle the kids solo for the first time during a morning rush. He emerged saying, “Yeah, that was wild.” Picture this: a crying baby, a three-year-old sitting on top of her, and the five-year-old struggling to comprehend how to put on shoes. It’s a circus act where I’m the ringmaster desperately trying to maintain sanity!
4. Nail Clipping Chronicles: After showering and clipping my nails, I then tackle the monumental task of clipping my kids’ nails. By the end, I’ve clipped a whopping 100 nails! (I’m thinking of starting a band called “100 Nails” with my kids—once we figure out how to put on shoes, of course.)
5. Privacy? What’s That?: Any sense of privacy evaporates. I once thought I could enjoy a quick three-minute shower post-breakfast, but no. I was interrupted nearly immediately by my little one asking if I was done yet to show me a “trick” that turned out to be jumping over a blanket on the floor.
6. Catering to Picky Eaters: Cooking for four picky eaters guarantees that someone will complain about dinner. I’m currently teaching my kids that they have two acceptable responses when I describe a nutritious meal: 1) “Yay! Thanks, Mom!” or 2) “OK!” If they didn’t ask for my opinion, they can keep their comments to themselves!
7. Bath Time Frequency: You might find yourself bathing your kids less frequently than you did with one or two. I’ve heard from other moms that sometimes, bath days can stretch out a bit longer for the sake of sanity. Especially when bedtime is looming, and lathering, rinsing, and repeating on four bodies just feels like too much.
8. Love Multiplies: Despite the chaos, unsolicited opinions from strangers, and the constant whirlwind of activity, each time you bring home another baby, you realize your capacity to love expands. After the kids are asleep, enjoying a glass of wine and some popcorn while binge-watching Netflix with my partner, I can’t help but marvel at this beautiful, chaotic life we’ve built together. I wouldn’t change a thing—except maybe for a personal chef and maid!

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Summary

Navigating life with four children brings unique challenges, from chaotic mornings to unexpected comments from strangers. The journey is filled with love, laughter, and the occasional nail-clipping marathon. Despite the madness, there’s a beautiful reward in witnessing each new life unfold and the love that grows within a bustling family.