“Mommy, why did Daddy leave us?”
Hearing those words feels like a knife piercing my heart. I gaze into her large brown eyes, filled with tears that are just on the verge of overflowing, filled with a glimmer of hope that perhaps this time, my response will be different.
“I love you so much. I’m really sorry that Daddy made a choice that hurt us when he left, but please know this is not your fault. He’s not a bad person; he just made a poor decision that affected many people, and I’m truly sorry that it hurt you. I love you more than any father ever could because my love for you is the strongest!”
That’s what I told her, but deep down, my heart was screaming something else:
“Daddy left us because he’s selfish. He never should have been a parent in the first place. I wish he could see the pain he’s caused you and the rift he’s created in our family. He’s a sorry excuse for a human being; I hope we never see him again, and honestly, we’re better off without him.”
But what do you say to those innocent eyes filled with tears? How do you explain to a child who carries half the DNA of someone who makes forgiveness a daily struggle?
You reassure her that she is loved. No matter how intense the anger is, you choose not to speak poorly of him. You remind her that the person who contributed to her DNA isn’t inherently bad; she doesn’t carry any evil within her. You acknowledge her pain, letting her know that it’s okay to feel hurt and that you’re there to listen whenever she needs to express herself. You remind her often just how wonderful she is, reinforcing that her father’s departure had nothing to do with her worth.
You share the most profound truth you possess: that your love for her stretches to the ends of the earth and beyond, and you’re committed to loving her fiercely for the one who is absent. You assure her that you will never leave because every moment spent with her is a precious gift.
Though her father may have left, he inadvertently left behind the best part of him: her.
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In summary, when faced with difficult questions from your children, it’s essential to respond with love, honesty, and reassurance, emphasizing their worth and that they are not to blame for the choices of others.