Updated: March 13, 2023
Originally Published: August 3, 2013
I often find myself grappling with guilt—guilt about working, guilt about not working, and the discomfort that comes with feeling torn between the two. The struggle of being a working mom? It can be relentless.
I had hoped that by balancing a part-time job from home, I could enjoy the best of both worlds. Instead, I often feel like I’m not fully committing to either role. My work hours are scarce, and when I do manage to carve out some time, I worry that my son is missing out on my attention.
Before I became a parent, I envisioned a harmonious life where I would type away at my laptop, immersed in creative projects, while my children played quietly nearby with beautifully crafted, imaginative toys. However, the reality is often different. When I need to concentrate on a project during my son’s active hours, I find myself letting him indulge in an episode of his favorite show or an “educational” game online.
There have been conference calls where I’ve realized just how unprepared I am—still in my pajamas, cleaning up after my cat, and bribing my son with treats to keep him quiet for just half an hour.
At the local playground, I mostly see nannies, and I’ve struck up conversations with some of them. Their entire role revolves around providing undivided attention to the children. They fill their days with enriching activities, while my son sometimes only makes it to the park once. Even then, I’m often distracted by the need to respond to an urgent email.
To clarify, my son isn’t glued to the TV for hours on end. I limit his screen time to about an hour a day, often less. I try to squeeze in work during his naptime and after he goes to bed. We enjoy outings to the library, museums, and parks. However, many days, he’s also tagging along on errands, like trips to the bank or coffee meetings. I can’t help but feel that he deserves more of my attention.
Sometimes, I perceive judgment from others, even if it’s unintentional. My husband might ask, “Did you finish that edit today? Did he take a longer nap?” or my mother-in-law recently expressed surprise that I don’t work full-time. “Wait, don’t you work full-time now?” she asked. No, I work in snippets of time—just enough to get by.
I could choose to stop working and embrace being a full-time stay-at-home mom. My husband is the primary breadwinner. My son would undoubtedly love to have me focused solely on him, which would alleviate my guilt.
But I would lose a part of myself. I’ve been involved in the acting and film industry since high school, and it fuels my passion. It is both rewarding and challenging. I sometimes feel resentment that my husband doesn’t face the same dilemma—I’m always the primary caregiver while he provides financially. He misses our son tremendously during long hours, yet society tends to absolve him of guilt for working hard.
If forced to choose, I would undoubtedly prioritize motherhood over my career. My son is the center of my universe. Yet, does that mean he must be my only focus in life?
For more insights on home insemination, check out this comprehensive guide on the IVF process. If you’re interested in practical tools, consider exploring the at-home insemination kit as an authority on this topic. This article aims to provide a sense of community to those navigating similar challenges, and to remind us that it’s okay to seek balance while embracing motherhood.
Summary
The article explores the emotional turmoil of working mom guilt, where the writer grapples with feelings of inadequacy in both professional and parenting roles. Despite attempts to balance work and motherhood, she often feels torn and distracted. The piece reflects on societal perceptions of parenting and the personal sacrifices made in pursuit of fulfillment.