“Did you see how she’s handling her baby?”
“I can’t believe she thinks that’s acceptable?! He sleeps where?”
“What kind of parent allows their child to sleep like that?”
Such is the landscape of parenting in public. Motherhood often feels like a performance, where our vulnerabilities, insecurities, and imperfections are laid bare for an audience ready to critique.
I often find myself thinking, Am I the only one in this circle dealing with this? I adore where my little one sleeps, but perhaps I’m doing it all wrong? Are others scrutinizing my every move? Welcome to the Mommy Wars, ladies.
In these battlegrounds, we can be unkind to one another—both online and in real life. Our parenting philosophies can’t be tucked away like our personal beliefs, and we often wield them as weapons, unleashing our frustrations. The Mommy Wars chip away at our self-esteem, one sarcastic comment at a time. We tear each other down while grappling with our own identities, which seem to fade under the responsibilities of motherhood. Why do we resort to such cruelty?
1. You’re Bored.
I totally get it. When my son demands I be the “blue dragon” for the umpteenth time, I’m ready to lose it. The monotony of parenting can be stifling, and sometimes a heated debate over parenting choices can actually make you feel alive. Our mothers had their soap operas; we have social media. But engaging in these debates in real-time can be damaging.
2. You’re Frustrated.
As moms, we can’t express our anger toward our kids the way we might with adults. When my toddler throws his breakfast on the floor, I hear myself saying, “Honey, we don’t throw food,” while internally I’m screaming, “Are you serious?! I just want one hot meal!” Without an outlet, we sometimes lash out at each other instead.
3. You’re Envious.
You know that mom who struts around in a daring swimsuit? The one we gossip about? Sure, she looks fabulous, but beneath that facade, we’re often just jealous. We critique each other because, deep down, we wish we could embody that confidence. Instead of uplifting each other, we let jealousy breed resentment.
4. You’re Overwhelmed.
Getting the kids ready, feeding them, cleaning up after them—it’s a whirlwind of exhaustion. Motherhood is beautiful, but it can also drain you. We often beautify our lives online, filtering out the chaos, but why not just be honest with each other?
5. You’re Tired.
Need I say more? I’m off to reheat my cold coffee while raising it in solidarity with you all.
6. You’re Questioning Your Identity.
New motherhood can feel isolating. We crave community and often band together with like-minded parents. Yet, sometimes that means pushing someone else off their life raft to feel secure ourselves.
7. You Crave Validation.
Do you do a happy dance when your baby finally sleeps through the night? When you hit a milestone in breastfeeding? We all want someone to acknowledge our hard work because, let’s be honest, sometimes we feel like we’re failing.
So, do you understand why we can be so harsh? We’re drained! We’re short-tempered and terrified we’re messing up our kids. We’re lonely in this new parenting reality, navigating without a map. We resort to shaming others because we fear we’re the ones getting it wrong.
Moms, let’s support one another! We need each other now more than ever. It starts with self-love. So, put down your phone and reach out to a fellow mom. Remind her she’s doing a great job. Share your funny parenting fails. Let’s be real about motherhood. Your kids are watching—let’s model kindness for them.
For more insights, check out this related post. And if you’re looking for essential tools for this journey, Make a Mom offers excellent resources. Also, MedlinePlus is a fantastic site to learn more about pregnancy and home insemination.
Summary
Mom-shaming often stems from boredom, frustration, jealousy, overwhelm, exhaustion, identity struggles, and a desire for validation. By understanding these factors, we can foster a more supportive environment for one another, helping to combat the negative effects of the Mommy Wars. Together, we can create a more compassionate parenting community.