“Can the kids have some candy?”
“Is it okay for them to have this?”
“Excuse me, can I give them a sucker?”
Suddenly, I snap back to reality, realizing someone has been trying to get my attention. My mind had wandered far away, lost in a haze of memories.
“Oh gosh,” I chuckle awkwardly. “Sorry, I was totally out of it. What was that?”
The volunteer at the food pantry repeats his question, and I glance down to see two eager sets of brown eyes looking up at me, excitement radiating from their faces.
After a quick scan of the ingredient list to ensure it’s gluten and dairy-free, I manage to say, “Um, yeah, sure, that’s fine. Thanks.” I hope my voice conveys gratitude and covers up the embarrassment bubbling inside me.
It’s Saturday morning, and as the sun peeks over the horizon, we stand in line at the very food pantry where I once volunteered. Now, following my husband’s departure, I’m not here to lend a hand. Instead, I find myself anxiously hoping they won’t run out of diapers before it’s our turn. I am no longer the volunteer; I have changed.
Three years ago, I would never have envisioned this moment. Volunteering was a significant part of my life—contributing at the food pantry, the animal shelter, teaching Sunday School, engaging in special education summer camps, and participating in missions. I dedicated myself to giving back, believing it was the right thing to do.
Now, after enduring a challenging marriage and the pain of abandonment, I am on the receiving end of others’ generosity.
I feel different. Some days, I barely recognize myself.
If I thought volunteering was tough, being a recipient feels like an entirely different challenge. The uplifting feeling of helping others evaporates when you are the one needing assistance.
Today, I don’t feel valuable. I feel like a burden. I feel like I’ve failed.
I remind myself this is a temporary situation. I am striving for a better life for my children and me. I am learning that accepting help is a vital life lesson, but today, I feel overwhelmed.
Standing in line at the food pantry, I realize that this is the best I can do for my kids today. I pulled them from their warm beds just as dawn broke, and brought them here to seek help.
Once upon a time, I was one of the volunteers helping others. Today, I am just a mother trying to provide for my two most cherished little ones.
When we finally reach the front of the line, I breathe a sigh of relief; they still have diapers! We gather our box of food, toiletries, and diapers, and slowly make our way back to the car. As I buckle them in, I see their faces light up with joy.
“Thanks, Mommy! Thanks for letting us have a sucker!”
They have no idea what it cost me to get here, and it breaks my heart. I was once a volunteer, but now, I find myself in a different role.
I’m unsure of what comes next. Moving forward feels daunting, but I know I need the support to ensure my kids are taken care of.
Looking into their bright eyes, I understand that the concept of volunteering has transformed for me. Volunteers are those who give selflessly to uplift others.
Yes, my dear little ones, I will give what I can to care for you. I will set aside my pride and do whatever it takes to ensure your well-being.
Perhaps I’m not so different after all.
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In summary, navigating the transition from being a volunteer to a recipient reveals a new depth of understanding about community support. This experience, while challenging, highlights the importance of accepting help when needed, especially for the sake of our loved ones.