When I arrived at Little League with my four kids in tow, I turned to the coach and asked about practice nights. Truth be told, I’m the mom who’s often clueless about the schedule until the first day of the season. “Wednesdays,” he said.
“Wednesdays?” I exclaimed. “You won’t see me then. That’s date night! You’ll be meeting my partner, Sam, the babysitter.”
“Seriously? That sounds nice,” he replied, a hint of sarcasm in his tone.
“It’s a whole lot nicer than divorce,” I shot back. And it truly is.
I understand how organizing a date night might seem like an extravagant endeavor. It involves hiring a babysitter, putting on some makeup, and changing into a shirt that doesn’t have remnants of food or other substances that may have come from one of my kids. Sure, it can be a challenge.
Not to mention, it requires both partners to agree on a common night each week, free from work obligations, kid transportation, or folding mountains of laundry. Plus, it can get pricey. You’re spending money on food that you could have eaten at home, and the babysitter, Sam, certainly isn’t working for free. Paying a sitter to watch a bunch of kids—even for just a couple of hours—adds up quickly.
But I maintain that it’s still far cheaper than the costs associated with divorce. And for my marriage, date night holds significant meaning. I married a wonderful guy 15 years ago, and we hit it off quite well. We even met in art school—how romantic is that? Back then, we would indulge in Bohemian adventures, packing a loaf of bread, cheese, and a bottle of wine, hiking to some scenic spot, drinking wine, holding hands, and discussing our dreams—literally.
But then life happened, and we brought four little humans into the world. Suddenly, we had responsibilities, jobs, chores, bills, and the endless to-do lists that come with adulthood. After 15 years together, we’ve changed; we’re busy, aging, and sometimes even a little too comfortable. I won’t say we’ve reached the point of using the bathroom with the door wide open, but you get the idea.
And to clarify, no, attending PTA meetings, sports leagues, or school events with the kids does not count as date night. Date night is sacred—it’s about reconnecting with the one you love, the one you’ve built a life with. It’s the agreement that keeps you from needing to sign any other contracts—like divorce papers.
Every Wednesday, I know I’ll have my husband all to myself. We might enjoy a cozy dinner at a favorite restaurant where everyone knows our names, or we could swing by Bunz Burgers for some casual eats and then hit the beach. Pure romance, right?
I recognize that in the past, people may not have felt the need for scheduled date nights; they were too busy with daily survival tasks. But in today’s world, with life expectancy often stretching into the 80s, it’s vital to maintain that connection.
So, mark it on your calendar. Treat it as non-negotiable. If finances are tight and hiring a babysitter isn’t feasible, consider swapping babysitting hours with a friend who also needs a night out. You could even make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and enjoy a picnic in your backyard, baby monitor close by. Whatever it takes, it’s still date night.
If we’re fortunate, in another 15 years, our kids will be off pursuing their own paths, leaving us with each other. And hopefully, we’ll still have our cherished date nights. For more insights on maintaining that loving connection, check out this blog post.