Updated: Aug. 15, 2015
Originally Published: Oct. 19, 2013
When I discovered I was expecting a baby girl, my heart swelled with joy. I could hardly contain my excitement as I envisioned shopping for adorable outfits adorned with frills. If they had matching outfits for me, I would have been thrilled to don tutus once more.
Yet, beneath that excitement, I harbored a deep-seated fear about raising this girl. I felt overwhelmed and uncertain about my ability to guide her. For years, I have been on a journey to recover from an eating disorder. I have battled binge eating, compulsive overeating, poor self-image, body dysmorphia, and obesity for most of my life. At 28, I underwent bariatric surgery, a choice I later realized might have been better replaced with therapy. This led to several years of anorexia. I have fluctuated between sizes, from 300 pounds down to just under 100, and never felt content with any of it.
How could I raise a daughter who loves herself when I’m still working on that very thing? How could I instill in her the understanding that she has limitless potential and intrinsic worth when I have spent so much of my own life evaluating myself based on a number on a scale? I have often felt “too much” or “not enough,” so how could I reassure this precious girl, even while she was still in my womb, that she is “just right”? I can’t shield her from everything, but I can adopt some guiding principles for us both to live by:
1. Avoid “Shoulding” Yourself
Women often place immense pressure on themselves with rigid expectations about how they should look, what they should accomplish, and more. This mindset leads to guilt and shame, which can spiral downwards. Instead, let’s focus on affirming ourselves.
2. Practice Self-Affirmation
Make it a habit to recognize your strengths and accomplishments rather than focusing on perceived flaws. Stand in front of a mirror and affirm your worth. It may feel awkward at first, but those affirmations are foundational to self-love, which is essential.
3. Support Your Friends with Affirmations
Just as we shouldn’t impose unrealistic expectations on ourselves, we shouldn’t do it to our friends either. Celebrate their uniqueness and imperfections, fostering a supportive sisterhood that uplifts everyone.
4. View Food as Fuel
Food should be seen as nourishment, not a friend or enemy. I know from experience that using food for comfort can lead to a cycle of temporary satisfaction followed by guilt. Remember, food is merely fuel for our bodies.
5. Guilt and Secrecy Fuel Shame
Shame can lead to destructive behaviors. Forgive yourself for past mistakes and move forward. Surround yourself with those who love and accept you, as they will also forgive you.
6. Ditch the Idea of Perfection
Perfection is an illusion; flaws make us unique. Striving for perfection only leads to emptiness. Accept reality as it is and embrace your authentic self.
7. Live Authentically
I spent years trying to meet others’ expectations, which robbed me of true happiness. Embracing my reality has brought me more joy than I ever imagined.
8. Understand Your Worth Isn’t Defined by Size
Don’t let a number dictate your happiness. You are so much more than a figure on a scale. Repeat this mantra: I am more than a number.
Throughout my pregnancy, I faced challenges like morning sickness and swollen ankles, but for the first time, I truly appreciated my body for what it could do. The grip of my eating disorder has finally loosened, making space for healing. Whether it was the pregnancy or years of hard work, I have found peace.
Now, instead of wishing to look different, I pray for the strength to guide my daughter away from the path I once walked. For more insights on navigating parenthood and self-acceptance, check out this other blog post on home insemination. If you’re interested in learning more about fertility, this resource from Make A Mom is invaluable. Additionally, for comprehensive information on pregnancy, visit NHS.
Summary
Navigating the challenges of motherhood while recovering from an eating disorder can be daunting. By implementing daily affirmations, supporting friends, and fostering a healthy relationship with food, we can break the cycle of negativity and instill self-love in ourselves and our daughters. Embracing our unique worth and living authentically allows us to guide the next generation toward a healthier perspective on body image and self-acceptance.