As a child, I called my father by his first name. Growing up in a blended family—my mom had lost her first husband in a tragic accident—I looked up to my older sibling and emulated her in every way possible. So for quite some time, my dad was known as “Mark,” and to me, he was simply Dad. I even remember one evening, while my parents were engrossed in the news, I chimed in with, “Don’t worry, her Mark will find her,” referencing a story about a lost child.
Interestingly, I frequently used adults’ first names during my childhood. My godparents were Jake and Lisa (with Jake often being referred to as Uncle), while our neighbor was named Sarah. My dad had a friend affectionately called “Scooter,” and that was how I addressed him, too.
However, if you were to consult Emily Parker from the Daily Chronicle, my upbringing would be deemed problematic. She argues that moving away from the traditional Mr. or Mrs. Lastname signifies a disturbing decline in respect for authority. According to her, our modern focus on nurturing our children’s self-esteem has led us to overlook the essential hierarchy that exists between adults and kids.
From my experience working in daycares and volunteering in schools, I noticed that children who addressed me by my first name never lacked respect or hesitance in taking direction from me. They understood the boundaries of authority just fine. I often find myself questioning whether simply turning 18 magically elevates one’s status in life. There are days when I feel like I’m barely managing adulthood. I can’t be Mrs. Thompson; that woman appears to have everything together. But Mia? She might be the one ordering takeout on a Wednesday night because cooking feels like too much of a chore.
I’m also uneasy with the stark divide that some propose between children and adults. I want my kids to respect grown-ups, but I also want them to feel comfortable engaging with them. As they get older and I become less cool, I hope there are trustworthy adults they can turn to for advice on tough topics. Sure, I’ll initiate those difficult conversations, but I recall the excruciating embarrassment surrounding discussions about sex, drugs, and peer pressure with my parents. I wouldn’t want my children to rely solely on peers or the internet for information, especially when it can be overwhelming and misleading.
On the flip side, it’s crucial for kids to recognize that adults aren’t infallible and that not all of them deserve unquestioned authority. Adults can be wrong, unkind, or even harmful. Age should not be the sole measure of respectability.
It’s worth noting that while Emily Parker claims respect must be earned, she also asserts that using formal titles helps establish a respectful relationship. I can’t agree; respect doesn’t have to be a one-way street, and not everyone deserves respect equally. I have acquaintances with whom I maintain only minimal relations.
Finally, despite the nostalgia for the bygone days when everyone was addressed as Mr. or Mrs., we currently face significant issues in how we care for our elderly. The Brookings Institute recently revealed that our healthcare system for elder care is glaringly inadequate. Shockingly, half of the workforce in this sector lacks even a high school diploma, and many live below the poverty line. Furthermore, the National Center on Elder Abuse estimates that 1-2 million older Americans experience some form of exploitation, with many incidents remaining unreported.
In conclusion, while you can insist that children call you whatever title you prefer—be it Mrs. Parker, or even “Captain Rainbow”—let’s not kid ourselves into thinking that using first names is a new phenomenon that undermines respect.
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Summary
The article discusses the appropriateness of children addressing adults by their first names, sharing personal anecdotes and differing opinions on the implications for respect and authority. It highlights the importance of open communication between children and adults while acknowledging that not all adults should be granted unquestioned authority. It also touches on broader societal issues regarding the treatment of the elderly.