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- I Never Imagined Being a Parent
By Kelsey Adams
Updated: Aug. 21, 2015
Originally Published: November 22, 2013
I’m a mother who never envisioned taking on this role.
Believe it or not, there are others like me out there. There are moms juggling the chaos of parenting, wiping tears, and stepping on Cheerios, who never pictured their lives unfolding this way. We are the moms grappling daily with the thought: This is why I never wanted children.
Have you ever felt this way? I did just today. My kids were clinging to me, tugging at my shirt, whining and crying because I wouldn’t pick them up, all while I battled a frying pan full of bacon. I gritted my teeth, tightened my hold on the spatula, and with every muscle in my body tense, I thought, “This wasn’t my plan. This isn’t the life I envisioned. This is exactly why I didn’t want kids.”
Every day feels like a challenge.
We have friends who always dreamed of motherhood. They talk about the joys of parenting as if they discover rainbows in their children’s diapers instead of remnants from last night’s dinner. We scroll through countless parenting blogs that celebrate how fulfilling it is to raise little ones, reinforcing the idea that we should cherish every moment.
But we don’t quite fit in. We’re the outliers. The ones who recognized our imperfections and knew that motherhood might not be the best path for us. We’re the moms who sit on the floor at night, overwhelmed with fear, convinced that because our children were unexpected, we might be failing them.
And yet, here we are.
Maybe it was a mishap with birth control. Maybe it was a spontaneous decision. No matter how it happened, we now find ourselves doing late-night feedings, comforting crying toddlers, and scrubbing stains from the carpet, all while that nagging voice in our heads whispers, “This is why I didn’t want children.”
I’m not here to give you tips on how to enjoy your kids during tough times. I won’t judge you for having what some might consider a selfish thought.
Instead, I want to reassure you that it’s okay.
It’s perfectly fine that you never wanted kids. That doesn’t make you a bad person or less of a woman. It just means you’re honest about your feelings.
It’s okay that you can’t relate to other moms who meticulously planned their families. You don’t need to feel ashamed if your child wasn’t part of a detailed life blueprint.
It’s okay to feel unprepared and find yourself searching online for answers when you’re sure your mom friends, who have dreamt of this moment since childhood, would know instinctively.
It’s acceptable to ask for help. No one is Super Mom, and every mother deserves a break. Some of us might need more frequent and longer breaks to navigate this unexpected journey.
Most importantly, it’s essential to share your story. There are more of us than you think. We need to hear your tales of fears and struggles to remind us we’re not alone in this alternate universe called parenthood. We need to know someone else understands the inner dialogue that says, “This is why I never wanted kids.” We need to know we’re not isolated in this experience.
Regardless of how you ended up on this parenting path, you’re here now. You don’t have to feel guilty for acknowledging how hard it is. We get it. You don’t have to hide your story of how you arrived here. We understand. And you certainly don’t need to follow up your complaints with, “But I love my kids.”
We know that too.
And your kids understand it as well.
For further insights, check out this excellent resource for pregnancy options: Intrauterine Insemination. And if you’re looking for guidance on your fertility journey, Make a Mom has some great information.
This is one of our other blog posts that discusses more about the reality of parenting: Terms and Conditions.
Summary:
Motherhood isn’t always what we expect, and it’s okay to admit that parenting is challenging, especially for those who never planned to be parents. It’s important to acknowledge these feelings and share experiences with others in similar situations.